Stream of Consciousness

The Shards that Are Me in 2013

Well, the world didn’t end and the new year made it here. Not very shocking. It did feel like the year 2012 went by very quickly to me.

Let’s just set something straight before I get into this post though. The Mayan calendar ended on December 21, 2012, yes. The Mayans did not, however specify that this meant that date would be the end of the world. It’s just when their calendar ended. And by the way, the Mayans didn’t include leap years, so technically, by their calendar, the world would have ended before our calendar dictated it was December 21st, as we include leap years.

When the Spanish destroyed the Mayans’ lands, we were left with only a calendar that ended on December 21, 2012. We don’t know what this date meant to them. To some, it signals a beginning, not an end. Someone probably got wind of the Mayan calendar ending soon and decided it was the end of the world and blew it out of proportion.

Kind of like that game, ‘telephone’. Does anyone remember playing that?

Anywho, now that that panic is all over and water bottles are now on the shelves of local grocery stores once more, I have something to tell you…

It’s a new year.

Yes, I realize you already knew this. Unless of course you’re a fruit ball and on some really good medication somewhere tied up in a pretty little jacket with cute buckles. Then I’ll give you a free pass.











If not, you also know with the new year comes the feelings of, well, new beginnings. A renewal, as if we’re starting over. And we normally sum this all up in a list of new year’s resolutions.

The practice of making new year’s resolutions began around 62 B.C. in Rome. The purpose and observances of new year’s resolutions has changed many times since then, but the sole purpose has survived.

To resolve to do something beginning with the new year.


I suppose my writing related resolutions go something like this:

  • Character building; begin and finish it
  • Species building; begin and finish it
  • Begin and finish draft #2 of HUMAN OR HIDDEN
  • Begin and finish all edits for HUMAN OR HIDDEN
  • Have HUMAN OR HIDDEN critiqued and make any changes based on feedback
  • Research literary agents
  • Write up queries for HUMAN OR HIDDEN and send them out to decided upon literary agents
  • Begin plotting a different WIP or the sequel to HUMAN OR HIDDEN
  • Exercise more
  • Read more
  • Write more poetry
  • Don’t catch the stomach flu
  • Find more music
  • Take a half decent picture of myself


Now onto the deeper resolutions and realizations…















At the risk of sounding emotionally damper, I have to admit. This past year, things have been put into perspective for me.

I’m living with my sister, brother, mother, and puppy in a small room in a small hotel-turned-rooms-for-rent.

We’re getting on each other’s nerves and going insane being shut up in a small room that facilitates not even enough room to pace within.

But I wouldn’t change it. I may complain occasionally and it may very well suck, in all honesty. But it’s better than living in a huge house still trapped in the situation that led us here before we freed ourselves.

There still are issues among the four of us, yes, but I can smile. I’m not oppressed or hiding in my own skin. I’m not worried about my family’s safety, or my own; mentally or physicially.

I can figure out who I am. I have time to think. And reasons to be happy. Because I’m allowed to be me now. I can figure out what I want to do, make my own decisions. And not have to base them on ridiculous circumstances or oppressive metaphorical shackles.

I can battle my insecurities. I can speak my mind because I can find within me, past the built in walls, inside the layers of repression, where I am and what I actually think.


I don’t know what happened, how it happened. But this new year brings a realization I thought I would have to wait a long time to come to.

I am comfortable with who I am. I’m finally okay with me. Comfortable in my own skin.


So for me, 2013 brings with it new beginnings. A fresh start. One where I can discover who I am and what I want. Where I can deal with the difficult. Where I can smile and not be faking it.

I am me and I will not apologize for who I am any longer. Who else but me could warn everyone of the impeding alien invasion via the speaking squirrels doing recon on us humans? I can’t be in an insane asylum to do that.

















Okay, now I cannot end this post without spilling enthusiasm all over the immediate page. Or, be it, screen.

I am positively bursting with joy over the secondhand store that is directly across from where we’re living now. Do you know how much it costs to buy a paperback book?  75 cents.

Yes, you read that right. 75 bloody cents!!! It makes me happy down to my toes! I can just walk across the street and search through all the shelves.

I just had to get that out there. Couldn’t contain it any longer. 😉 I’m better now.

Happy New Years, by the way.


What does 2013 mean to you? Did you make any new year’s resolutions?

2 thoughts on “The Shards that Are Me in 2013

  1. Happy New Year, Daphne. It sounds like you’re going to have a great year (all those books – YAY!). I’m glad to hear things have settled down a bit. 😉

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