There is one opinion held by many people, widely accepted, which makes me want to blow people’s houses up. Okay, not really, but I swear I turned green a few times.
This opinion hurts people, worse than they’ve already been hurt.
What is this opinion?
When someone cheats on you, someone you love, someone you’re in a serious relationship with, the consensus is this;
“You should stay. Don’t be weak. Work it out. Leaving is the easy way out.”
ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME?!
*turns green* *fumes* *smashes things*
Leaving is not weakness.
Staying is the easy way out.
Reasons Staying is the Easy Way Out
Your relationship will never be the same again. Period. End of story. You KNOW this already, but you’re denying it to yourself and nodding along as your friends tell you things will work themselves out, or you guys can work this out.
Your gut is telling you that this is wrong. But the world is telling you not to ‘give up on him/her’, not to ‘be so weak’, ‘it happens’, etc.
Have the strength to believe in yourself, your feelings, your needs and wants.
If they cheated on you once, they will most likely do it again. I know, I know, everyone says this.
But think about it. Why did he/she cheat on you? It normally isn’t a big issue, like you ignoring them for years and years.
The reason is normally more shallow or spur of the moment. In short, dude or dudette has issues they need to work on. Issues don’t go POOF and never bother you again. They take years to get worked out. And if you stay with said person with issues for years, even if they’re getting their issues worked out? They’ll most likely cheat on you again.
Now, even if you are the couple where the cheater finds solace in another’s arms because their partner has ignored them into alienation and/or neglect? What kind of loving person could ignore you for years, putting you and your feelings and needs aside? Do they really love you that much? Do they care? I don’t think so.
You will always wonder. If you stay with someone who has cheated on you once, there will always be that sense of foreboding or wonder. Will they do it again? There cannot be trust in a relationship if you’re wondering why your spouse is home late. And this normally leads to a negative, bitter hatred of self and your partner.
You’re afraid. Leaving is hard. You’ve spent a lot of time on this person, on this relationship. You’d have to start over. Maybe a new job, new house. With no one there to support you. It will be a lot of hard work, a lot of unknown. Where will your life go? What will you do?
If you have children, you’re teaching them that cheating is acceptable if you stay. And that opens a whole ball of wax you don’t want to touch. Like, who will your children grow up to be, believing it is all right to cheat on the person you say you love? And if you think they don’t know – you’re insulting them.
If you stay with a cheater, you will constantly wonder about your self worth and your decision making skills. Second guessing yourself because there is no harmony or trust. You have no solid ground.
You have to convince yourself you’re not a failure. And that’s hard. Failure isn’t failure in this case. You believe leaving your relationship, giving up on it, is bailing or ditching, or failing. It is not. Staying with someone who doesn’t treat your with respect is failure. Settling with what you have, is failure.
This person made the choice to cheat. It wasn’t an accident. Not oops or sorry. It wasn’t something they were forced into.
They made the decision to cheat on you.
Knowing it would hurt you.
Honestly, if you stay – it doesn’t make any sense. If this person will hurt you on purpose, you’re not in a relationship. And it certainly isn’t love, real love.
This person will not respect, honor or sacrifice for you.
Don’t settle. Consider your value, your self worth, self respect. What do you want? Do you honestly want what you have? Take a look at your life, at your relationship, a good hard look. And answer that. Truly.
You deserve better. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve.
Look at it this way. If your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé,etc truly loved you, they wouldn’t cheat on you. Love is selfless. Instant gratification isn’t on the list.
I asked my family what they would do if someone cheated on them and I had an instant uproar of painful sounding revenge, and once we got serious, they all brought up valid points. I’m going to use “he” to keep things simple. This was their serious, non cutting body parts (*cough cough* Holly) answer:
“He made a promise to me that I was the one he wanted, he was going to love me forever. So if he cheats on me, he doesn’t deserve me.”
This discussion always bodes the question:
How can you stop being someone who you have loved for so long?
How can you stay with someone who doesn’t truly love you?
So, answer me this…
Would you stay with a cheater?
Why or why not?
*note: this post was not written to put anyone down or trash anyone who has stayed with a cheater. This is simply me telling you, that in my opinion, you deserve all the happiness possible. Please keep in mind that I do not think anyone who has stayed with a cheater is a moron. It is your choice.*