I am in agony.
Okay, not really, but my upper back, neck, head, lower back, hips, and legs are killing me.
Okay not that either. No killing. They’re just burning.
So, nope. No fire either.
But my body is bloody screaming bloody murder at me! With a megaphone.
I think some pygmies found me in the middle of the night and took an ax to me, chopping me up into itty bitty little pieces, then super glued me back together.
Because they got bored.
Whatever the reality – my chiropractor tells me the Chair from Hell I’ve been sitting in for about 2 years now is wreaking havoc with me bones.
This is getting weirder.
Whatever. I got adjusted, felt all light and weightless like I could fly (not really, I’d fall to the ground and SPLAT like an uncoordinated dodo bird). Then I went home and sat in my chair (from Hell – seriously, Satan threw it out his window and a dead guy down the street sold it to me for a pigeon that I didn’t have) and my body instantaneously FLIPPED ME OFF. There may or may not have been brass knuckles included.
One day later, I limped into Wal-Mart like a zombie on downers and grabbed the cheapest comfy desk chair I could find. Chiropractor’s orders.
Maybe I won’t get so many headaches now. That would be FABULOUS. Oh and my back and neck won’t feel like a cement truck ran me over. That would also make me non-homicidal.
And you know, my bones would stay in their proper place. I’m pretty sure that’s good for your health.
But that will happen after my body gets used to sitting with proper posture again.
AGONY! Mini pick axes with a vengeance wielded by shades on PCP (because somehow PCP effects the dead now)!!!
I’m just complaining because my body hates me at the moment. But it’s for its own good. Kind of like how I don’t feed my dog chocolate even though he REALLY wants some. Except I’m not furry, or – you know, a dog.
So I’ll just be over here ON FIRE, while kicking it in my new chair (which is NOT from Hell).
It’s kind of awesome by the way.
Now I just need to find the freaking pygmies.
As a writer, did you have to find the right chair or die from back/neck/head pain?
Or any other kind of person who sits in a chair a lot?
Speak pygmies, er- posture, to me.