I get overwhelmed.
Overstimulated.
Then I lose myself.
To a jumble of masquerading shades and low vibrational, angry, shouts and growls clawing at me from the inside out until I can barely remember how to breathe.
I hide inside myself before my brain even realizes what’s going on.
It’s a habit.
It helps the pain win.
Pushes along the absurd idea that this is never going to end. I will never find a way out.
I will never be good enough.
Strong enough.
It’s a bad habit.
A learned behavior.
Conditioned behavior.
A symptom.
Side effect.
Take your pick.
This isn’t always the ‘why’ behind me going quiet.
This time it was.
