Filled to Empty
Once Again
Just so you can
Poke holes in me
Shaped into something
Beyond
Recognition
Soft thumps
Abrade the inside
Of my rib cage
And something odd
Flitters through
My chest
It isn’t life but tubing
Left there from
When I hated myself
A little less
Electronic beeping
Reminding me
To pretend I am alive
I am not.
Not today.
Not inside this skin.
Not inside
This mind
That falls down
So easily
Sometimes it seems
So silly
That I ever thought
I could be real
To walk without oiled joints
Or charged lights
Behind my eyes
From which everything
Was stolen
(by me)
(something whispers)
I forgot
I was the one
Behind the mask
Wearing the gloves
Leaving no trace
I forgot
I was the one
Who let this happen
Who roused from slumber
And did nothing
Who watched from behind
Serpent eyes
And let you die
I wonder
If it would hurt less
If I was never human at all
Simply a stain on the porcelain
The sand slipping down the time
Shivering down the hourglass
I forgot
How to tell the truth
Or which it was
I forgot
How to speak
Without a tongue
How to see
Without a spine
Can I walk
Knowing the many times
My very breath crawled
Why?
Why do we torture ourselves?
How many of us are there
In here?
This one little body
Pieces hiding
Shuffling about
Slipping behind curtains
Fixing smeared mascara
Redressing so no one notices
Their stories
Are shuttered up
Dust chokes the sunrises
Moonlight can’t hide
The shadows
I forgot
How the tip of a fingernail
Could hold so many
Dead skin cells
They aren’t all mine
(yes they are)
(something whispers)
And I deny everything
Black lipstick that doesn’t
Smudge
Or leave
Photos behind
And no, I wasn’t
Made by accident
Why does everyone ask?
We all clamber around
Waiting for a story to be
Unfolded
It wasn’t an accident
We remember
I shake my head
We know
Our skin
My skin
We feel
It’s like they can see
I’m made from
Different coincidences
Kissing beneath the
Atom bomb
Waiting for something
To change
Or someone
To notice
The shadows
Etched into my bones.
(can anyone see me?)
(no, I don’t think I can)
(something whispers)
By Daphne Shadows
