Stream of Consciousness

Alienate Your Abusive Perspective

More on how to beat self-hatred…

We don’t see ourselves the way everyone else sees us.
This is pretty accurate, regardless of what issues we do or do not have.
It doesn’t matter who we are, we all see ourselves as a wet rat with sloth reflexes and a dragon’s scaly skin under our noses when we’re sick. Funny thing is, many times I’ve felt this way and met up with someone who didn’t know I was sick. Guess what? They thought I was having a marvelous hair day or looked particularly perky.
We see ourselves differently.

For me, I honestly have a hard time seeing anything good about myself. I’m not being melodramatic or trying to get attention. I simply don’t see it.
All I see are the negatives…
I can’t keep a job, my health stops me from living, I am in my mid-twenties and have accomplished nothing, my family has to pay for all my food, I’m depressing at times, I complain, I bloat and inflame because of my health no matter how hard I work out, etc.
Trust me, I could keep going.

So when people say I am courageous, I seriously don’t know what they’re talking about.
The first piece of advice I seem to get from everyone is to write down things I like about myself…
Think about it.
Someone is trying to tell me to start thinking about all the positive aspects of myself. I’m not trying to be a brat. I simply can’t conjure any up.

On the occasions when I can look at myself and say, “hey, yeah, that’s pretty cool of me,” those small tidbits are overshadowed immediately by the laundry list of things I’m doing “wrong” or reasons I’m a “failure” and so on.




So what do we do? How do we bridge the gap between our own cruel thoughts and beliefs about ourselves – and the positives others see in us?

Start paying ridiculous attention.
If multiple people are telling us that we are good people, kind people, courageous people, good at a particular thing…
Watch people’s body language.
Body language can tell us a lot about what people think about us.
Are others comfortable around us? Able to be themselves around us? Are they easily relaxed? Do they laugh easily?
Do people trust us? Do they confide in us, come to us when both happy and in need of support?
Learning what effects we have on others can tell us a lot about who we are – without consulting the abusers in our heads that have taken over.

Be aware of what trusted, respectful, honest people think about you.
We’re all going to run into haters. Don’t give them real estate in your head.

And for now, simply be aware of what people think.
Accept that others see you as fabulous.
Start opening up to the possibility that there is a version of you, that you yourself cannot see.
Why can’t you see this person? Especially since you live in your own skin?
Because for one reason or another, you’ve become bogged down with a magnifying glass in your head that only sees the negatives in yourself.

So breathe and allow for the truth that the beauty others see in you is really there.



4 thoughts on “Alienate Your Abusive Perspective

  1. Daphne, just the fact that you could write this blog entry and think about what things might possibly help is a big step in the right direction. At an earlier stage of self-dislike you probably wouldn’t even have been able to face it like that. In case it helps, I want to share a couple things I’ve been doing that you could add to your list. First, I have put together two or three of the positive things others have said about me and made them into a mantra. I say them or sing them in my head over and over. And then I make a drawing about them that shows me how they are a part of me and are coming out of me and touching others. This has been very helpful–and i have over fifty years of feeling “less than,” which I now am not doing.
    The other thing I’m in the process of is making a play in which the part of me that has been self-abusive and the true me have to connect, have to grapple in some way, and finally have to realize that despite the abuse part, each has strengths and weaknesses. When I have written the whole play I will act it out as part of a ceremony for no longer being self-abusive, and I will achieve a new wisdom (I hope!) from a healthier perspective. I will say goodbye to the abusive part in the play as well.
    I hope you keep learning, growing, and coming to love your lovely self, Daphne! Gwen

  2. Good advice, Daphne. It takes awhile to change the filters, to let in the good messages from those whose judgement we have every reason to trust, instead of listening to the old voices inside. I love the line: Don’t give them real estate in your head. 🙂

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