More on how to beat self-hatred…
We don’t see ourselves the way everyone else sees us.
This is pretty accurate, regardless of what issues we do or do not have.
It doesn’t matter who we are, we all see ourselves as a wet rat with sloth reflexes and a dragon’s scaly skin under our noses when we’re sick. Funny thing is, many times I’ve felt this way and met up with someone who didn’t know I was sick. Guess what? They thought I was having a marvelous hair day or looked particularly perky.
We see ourselves differently.
For me, I honestly have a hard time seeing anything good about myself. I’m not being melodramatic or trying to get attention. I simply don’t see it.
All I see are the negatives…
I can’t keep a job, my health stops me from living, I am in my mid-twenties and have accomplished nothing, my family has to pay for all my food, I’m depressing at times, I complain, I bloat and inflame because of my health no matter how hard I work out, etc.
Trust me, I could keep going.
So when people say I am courageous, I seriously don’t know what they’re talking about.
The first piece of advice I seem to get from everyone is to write down things I like about myself…
Think about it.
Someone is trying to tell me to start thinking about all the positive aspects of myself. I’m not trying to be a brat. I simply can’t conjure any up.
On the occasions when I can look at myself and say, “hey, yeah, that’s pretty cool of me,” those small tidbits are overshadowed immediately by the laundry list of things I’m doing “wrong” or reasons I’m a “failure” and so on.
So what do we do? How do we bridge the gap between our own cruel thoughts and beliefs about ourselves – and the positives others see in us?
Start paying ridiculous attention.
If multiple people are telling us that we are good people, kind people, courageous people, good at a particular thing…
Watch people’s body language.
Body language can tell us a lot about what people think about us.
Are others comfortable around us? Able to be themselves around us? Are they easily relaxed? Do they laugh easily?
Do people trust us? Do they confide in us, come to us when both happy and in need of support?
Learning what effects we have on others can tell us a lot about who we are – without consulting the abusers in our heads that have taken over.
Be aware of what trusted, respectful, honest people think about you.
We’re all going to run into haters. Don’t give them real estate in your head.
And for now, simply be aware of what people think.
Accept that others see you as fabulous.
Start opening up to the possibility that there is a version of you, that you yourself cannot see.
Why can’t you see this person? Especially since you live in your own skin?
Because for one reason or another, you’ve become bogged down with a magnifying glass in your head that only sees the negatives in yourself.
So breathe and allow for the truth that the beauty others see in you is really there.