So, I’m going to get quite real this morning. I hope that’s okay.
I need your help. Somebody’s help. The help of 738 people to be precise.
Doing YouTube videos is the only thing bringing me any happiness for about half a year now. Knowing I can make someone smile or feel good… That is the best thing in the world. It’s the only thing that feels good, lately, at all. Writing doesn’t even feel good anymore, which scares me. Only I don’t seem to care much. I think bipolar depression is winning, to be honest.
But YouTube changed their policy on when you can monetize your channel. I was hoping to get a tiny bit of money from the channel just to cover the cost of making videos. Now I’m spending money out of my monthly paycheck to keep going on YouTube and it’s gotten really stressful.
My health is worse. My mental health is worse. Life stuff is worse. And it’s expensive to keep trying new possible avenues, to keep seeing doctors, and to keep buying things that ‘could’ help me get better. It seems like every little thread of hope I had has been pulled away.
So if I could get up to 1,000 subscribers on YouTube, by some miracle (for which I honestly have no hope of achieving, nor did I ever care about before now)… that would be great. If not, the last thing I have that brings me any joy? I’m going to have to give it up.
What this means is, I’m asking you to share my YouTube channel, if you feel comfortable with that.
It’s my last ditch effort.
Which is probably totally tacky and messed up. I’ve never been comfortable asking people to subscribe or give my videos a thumbs up. I just want to help people realize how amazing they are, or at the very least feel good about themselves. Or feel hopeful. And so asking for subscribers now feels awkward and weird.
I guess asking for help has always felt like I was asking for a handout.
My channel is about ASMR which is supposed to help relax you, be a stress reliever, make you feel good or inspired or just plain feel happier, or valued. ASMR can also simply be something you find satisfying. There are loads of different kinds and I had just begun to try new things with it.
So here’s my YouTube channel. If you know of someone who’d like a little relaxation or stress relief, help sleeping or focusing, or simply something happy, please share it. If not, no pressure or guilt. Seriously.
I typically upload every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. But I’m not sure how much longer I can keep going if I’m not making enough money to cover the gas to get to where I film and props, etc.
So here’s to being vulnerable and trying to believe in miracles. *cringe*