Stream of Consciousness

what to do if you’re having a bad day

it’s a day.

a day where i trip over the flat ground i know well and walk daily.

where tying my shoes becomes hard again and my fingers turn to butter.

my screen freezes and people are all out of sync with themselves, agitated and bumping into each other’s raw emotions. poking at each other’s soft spots and highlighting all our weak places.

the air conditioner broke and my head is spinning and i might have just gotten an email i’d rather ignore.

 

it’s a day.

doesn’t seem to matter how hard i try to regain my composure. the universe seems dead set on slapping me upside the head. on keeping me on the ground, under its shoe.

it’s the big things, just one is all it takes. but a few more join in anyway. in for a penny, in for a pound.

it’s the little things, ganging up to beat me into submission. i just never learn to stay down.

 

what to do?

i guess the best plan of action is to ignore what i’m feeling and rely on some cold reason or sheer stubbornness.

i’m worth it. making it to tomorrow, a fresh start, sure.

but what about today?

i don’t want to let it go, just yet.

it’s dead set on breaking me, slathering me through the mud. but i don’t care what it wants.

i have to live inside this body, this mind. i want what i want for me.

 

so i will keep trying. even though everything hurts and i feel done. even though my emotional state sucks and everything in my life is flipping me off.

i’m going to keep trying.

i’m worth it.

and so are you.

i’m going to move toward my dreams today – even if i can’t make any headway, i’m going to aim for them anyway.

i’m going to live inside my hopes even though all visible proof shows it’s pointless.

i’m going to know things will get better, even if it doesn’t seem likely. even if the day gets worse – i’m going to hold out hope anyway.

 

and if the day doesn’t get better, too bad. i’ll keep at it anyway. one thing i won’t let it do is get me to stop.

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