Shadow Poetry

can’t be

brokenness hurts

and i can’t seem to erase it

from my bones

 

i scrub and scrape

and beg and cry

but i’m still broken

 

still living in a graveyard

trying to dig my way out

of my own coffin

 

i don’t want to be here

don’t want to bleed tears

i wish my heart didn’t hurt

 

to be honest

some days i wish i was just numb

truly numb

 

no pain, no misery

but i know that’s not realistic

i just wish my heart didn’t hurt

 

i bought new skin

i painted my face

took all the classes

sat in all the circles

prayed to the heavens

read all the books

tried all the meds

sat in silence

 

but nobody heard me

no answers came

and i couldn’t heal me, either

i guess

 

but all this pain

can’t be it

brokenness can’t be my fate

 

so i’ve braved the weather

the cold and the hate

to find this tiny flower

outside the walls of my tomb

 

i’ll leave it in a jar

and pray it stays alive

because my life cannot be

just the need to survive.

 

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