Okay, so, I’m still alive.
I was gone there for quite a bit. And I didn’t like it.
It’s funny to me how different social media outlets affect me differently.
Leaving Twitter? 90% didn’t bother me. There were a few people I missed keeping up with but all the political and bullying and drama garbage was not something I missed. Overall though, the good I find on Twitter outweighs the bad (because what you search for, you will find. and i search for awesome, kind people) and so I’m back now that I’m feeling better.
Leaving blogging? 80% didn’t like. I missed expressing myself creatively, which always clears up for me what I’m feeling. I seem to struggle with knowing who I am and what I feel, a lot, so creative expression is important for me. And that’s what blogging has morphed into for me. Not to mention keeping up with awesome peoples who I’ve connected with here.
Leaving YouTube? 80% didn’t like. So, doing YouTube videos is by far the hardest, most in depth, time taking, and money using endeavor I do. It takes a lot. And for a while, it was nice not having to get everything set up and put together and pray that my neighbors wouldn’t start being noisy.
Doing videos has actually become kind of stressful. It’s hard to spend the time in half of a bedroom setting a whole bunch of equipment up, while not tripping over cords or waking anyone up. And then hoping that all my neighbors will be silents. Not to mention hoping I got enough sleep to be alive enough to record early enough.
So I was surprised I missed doing videos so much. I really do enjoy creating ASMR videos and it frustrates me to find that the things I can’t control (noise, nowhere to film, not having a set place to film where my setup can remain, etc.) really mess with my enjoyment of it.
I mean, that’s not even talking about all the daily stuff I wanted to do that I had to leave sitting on the back burner.
Because I was in bed.
Or on the couch.
Doing nothing except being sick and wishing I felt better.
And getting back to things? Is odd. I feel frustrated, agitated. Like my day can’t line up smooth. I’m all out of sorts and on edge and unsure of what’s so off.
I filmed a video today and I didn’t really enjoy it. It was just me catching up with all my YouTube viewers and I just felt off. I sit here typing as its uploading as a solidified, edited video and I don’t know if I like it.
I just feel… out of sync. I can’t quite put my finger on it.
What do you do when you feel like this?