Shadow Poetry

the wait

there’s a reason

i know there is

but it left me

took flight while i slept

 

the morning dew

couldn’t break my fall

 

maybe there wasn’t a reason, after all

 

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Shadow Poetry · Stream of Consciousness

You

In the dead of night

The nights I sling shot through sleep and not

Blurry eyed and drowning in the mess of wakefulness

Sometimes

I wonder

Do you think of me?

 

I lie at the bottom of a volcano

Liquid heat meshing through my chest

Dripping from my finger tips

Thick walls at my every side

Cocooning me into neither here nor there

And a whisper of curiosity grips me

A lacy shudder flooding my system

 

Do you wake

In the dead of night

Wondering about me?

 

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Shadow Poetry

can’t be

brokenness hurts

and i can’t seem to erase it

from my bones

 

i scrub and scrape

and beg and cry

but i’m still broken

 

still living in a graveyard

trying to dig my way out

of my own coffin

 

i don’t want to be here

don’t want to bleed tears

i wish my heart didn’t hurt

 

to be honest

some days i wish i was just numb

truly numb

 

no pain, no misery

but i know that’s not realistic

i just wish my heart didn’t hurt

 

i bought new skin

i painted my face

took all the classes

sat in all the circles

prayed to the heavens

read all the books

tried all the meds

sat in silence

 

but nobody heard me

no answers came

and i couldn’t heal me, either

i guess

 

but all this pain

can’t be it

brokenness can’t be my fate

 

so i’ve braved the weather

the cold and the hate

to find this tiny flower

outside the walls of my tomb

 

i’ll leave it in a jar

and pray it stays alive

because my life cannot be

just the need to survive.

 

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Shadow Poetry

memories

out of the darkness, they came

like lightning bolts of flame

 

we ran and ran, but lost our grip

beware, beware, that gradual slip

 

take one wrong turn, my dear

that’s all it takes, out there, in here

 

its not a choice, not conscious, at least

choose today, to ruin or feast

 

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Shadow Poetry

behind the door

where there’s a little magic

there’s a little more

 

and if you can find a single reason

you can find it behind a door

 

like a butterfly’s wing –

you can’t touch it

 

but if you keep looking

you’ll find a key to fit

 

it isn’t made of gold or glowing

but if you listen ever so closely

 

it will speak into your fear

in wails and whispers, mostly

 

but beware, listen carefully

and start at step one

 

or one day you’ll wake up

questioning what you’ve done

 

in a place you don’t know

with more questions than one

 

like, where is all your skin

and why are you holding a gun?

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Shadow Poetry

i’m rather raw

i’m learning and falling down and getting bruised on my way back up
but it’s okay for me to be naive
because i know i’m naive
and i’m just trying to find a way to live
without compromising my soul
without snuffing out another’s flame
without breaking to a point that i can’t put myself back together
i’m trying and i’m trying out new things
it’s extraordinarily uncomfortable and sometimes i can’t breathe
don’t want to breathe
too afraid to move
because i might have to notice how i truly feel
but i’m not staying down
or staying under the covers
because monsters live inside the places that i thought were safe

 
Daphne Shadows

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Shadow Poetry

someday feels a long way away

you breathed life into me

promptly took it away

trapped in an animated

lights on, state of decay

i’m floundering here

struggling to be just okay

trying to breathe, to stand

but struggling i stay

 

you built choice into what i am

promptly took it away

the only decisions i still make

what scraps to wear, what to say

my tongue turns to lead nightly

sets on fire in the day

my soul is losing lighting

from trying to survive this way

 

i’m terrified you’ll take more

that’s your pattern: take away

i want the chance to breathe freely

to wake up and live one day

i gather up bits of hope

embers that made it anyway

and keep shambling along

desperate for the chance to live someday.

 

By Daphne Shadows

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Shadow Poetry

Letter to Chronic Pain

I think it’s time to write an angry letter
I’m tired of this non-life
I want to get better

I meditate and write
Go to therapy
I fight

I give it my all, I keep going, I tried
Gave away all my dreams
All my dignity and pride

I did everything you said
But I’m still here
Stuck in bed

I wake to this nightmare, barely remember
Remember what it was like
To breathe, to be her

The me who could stand, could choose
Growing and becoming
Everything to lose

I need and I miss her so very terribly
Don’t abandon me like this
Don’t leave me
Don’t leave me

I’m not living, not alive
My heart beats
But it’s a lie

I’m trapped inside this pain
Kicking, screaming
I’m going insane

Round and round I go
You say you understand
But most don’t know
Most don’t know

What it’s like to choke and burn alone
With no help working, no end in sight
Where joy is unknown

Everything out of sync, clock without time
Like a poem without purpose
Without rhythm
Without rhyme

Be more grateful, more positive, you say
Like I’m not clawing and clinging
To hope every day

It takes all I have to pretend I’m okay
Smile to make you feel better
I’m fading away

I want to write an angry, desperate letter
But to whom do I write?
We just want to get better

By Daphne Shadows

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