If You Are Looking For A Sign

Don’t worry about what the world thinks of you.

What do you think about you?

Are you being true to yourself, genuine, in line with the person you want to be?

Who do you wish you were?

You can become that person. What would that person think about the world’s opinion of them? That version of yourself probably wouldn’t care, right?

 

We are all looking for validation and approval. Make sure you’re looking in the right places.

People are always going to judge you.

Don’t worry about it.

Do your thing.

Be your strange or boring self.

People are going to laugh.

Be yourself anyway.

They’re not laughing at you. They’re allowing their insecurities and unhealthy beliefs to show.

 

We are all looking for some sign to tell us if we’re good enough.

You are good enough.

Criminently, you are fabulous!

 

Align who you are with who you want to be.

Don’t concern yourself with the mocking, the finger pointing, the cruel bullying. They aren’t really happy. That’s why they’re trying to destroy you.

 

Just be okay with who you are. You are good enough right here and right now.

From there, you can begin building yourself into whoever it is you want to become.

That’s one of the whole points of life – becoming.

 

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Schedule You In

Have fun! 

Today, add something fun into your schedule.

Seriously.

Make it a priority. Make yourself a priority.

Life is to be enjoyed, not rat raced to death. Not miserable and soaking in “shoulds”.

You deserve to have fun.

Today, search something fun out and simply allow yourself to let go and enjoy the fact that you’re alive and can do something that brings you joy.

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Alienate Your Abusive Perspective

More on how to beat self-hatred…

We don’t see ourselves the way everyone else sees us.
This is pretty accurate, regardless of what issues we do or do not have.
It doesn’t matter who we are, we all see ourselves as a wet rat with sloth reflexes and a dragon’s scaly skin under our noses when we’re sick. Funny thing is, many times I’ve felt this way and met up with someone who didn’t know I was sick. Guess what? They thought I was having a marvelous hair day or looked particularly perky.
*shrug*
We see ourselves differently.

For me, I honestly have a hard time seeing anything good about myself. I’m not being melodramatic or trying to get attention. I simply don’t see it.
All I see are the negatives…
I can’t keep a job, my health stops me from living, I am in my mid-twenties and have accomplished nothing, my family has to pay for all my food, I’m depressing at times, I complain, I bloat and inflame because of my health no matter how hard I work out, etc.
Trust me, I could keep going.

So when people say I am courageous, I seriously don’t know what they’re talking about.
The first piece of advice I seem to get from everyone is to write down things I like about myself…
Think about it.
Someone is trying to tell me to start thinking about all the positive aspects of myself. I’m not trying to be a brat. I simply can’t conjure any up.

On the occasions when I can look at myself and say, “hey, yeah, that’s pretty cool of me,” those small tidbits are overshadowed immediately by the laundry list of things I’m doing “wrong” or reasons I’m a “failure” and so on.

 

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So what do we do? How do we bridge the gap between our own cruel thoughts and beliefs about ourselves – and the positives others see in us?

Start paying ridiculous attention.
If multiple people are telling us that we are good people, kind people, courageous people, good at a particular thing…
Listen.
Watch people’s body language.
Body language can tell us a lot about what people think about us.
Are others comfortable around us? Able to be themselves around us? Are they easily relaxed? Do they laugh easily?
Do people trust us? Do they confide in us, come to us when both happy and in need of support?
Learning what effects we have on others can tell us a lot about who we are – without consulting the abusers in our heads that have taken over.

Be aware of what trusted, respectful, honest people think about you.
We’re all going to run into haters. Don’t give them real estate in your head.

And for now, simply be aware of what people think.
Accept that others see you as fabulous.
Start opening up to the possibility that there is a version of you, that you yourself cannot see.
Why can’t you see this person? Especially since you live in your own skin?
Because for one reason or another, you’ve become bogged down with a magnifying glass in your head that only sees the negatives in yourself.

So breathe and allow for the truth that the beauty others see in you is really there.

 

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Reality in the Dream Clouds

Back to reality.

Get your head out of the clouds.

Get a real job.

She’s out of your league.

Stop dreaming and start dealing with reality.

 

We hear things like this so often we could probably pay for a ticket to the moon if we got a dollar each time we heard it.

Reality.

It’s a problematic killjoy that often rubs the shiny off of every human being within a few years of double-digit birthdays.

 

But the reality is – there are people living lives they hate, doing jobs they hate, and settling for relationships they don’t actually enjoy.

And there are others living their dreams, beating every odd, in relationships we only hear about in storybooks, achieving everything they set their sights on.

THAT is the reality.

 

The reality is, dreams can come true.

Or life can suck.

But both ways of living are realistic. So why do we so readily believe that our dreams are ridiculous, unrealistic?

We’re here for a purpose. So live life on your terms. It’s your life. 

 

“Be strong in the moments where you want to be weak cause life itself is worth living for. If you are not living the life that you want, you fight for that life.”

Jensen Ackles

 

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Find Your Wise

Okay, not wise.

Why.

*eye roll*

Forgive a goofy writer her wordplay.

*wink*

 

We’re pretty familiar with a situation like the following:

A person tells you how great you are.

You don’t believe them.

Said person is then miffed as to why you don’t believe them. Why can’t you see how awesome you are, they wonder.

 

Most of us have been on one end of this conversation. Many have been on both sides.

We’re living in a world where we hear things like the following much too often:

They kept texting her to kill herself, so she did.

He couldn’t make the pain stop any other way, so he jumped.

She buys all that stuff for the rush of feel-good chemicals.

He buys all that makeup because he thinks he’s ugly.

She won’t marry him because she thinks she’s too fat to be loved.

 

I hear all the time that my parents’ generation has a hard time believing in things like anxiety, depression, mood disorders of all sorts, and suicide rates.

I’m not here to figure out why suicide and depression and things of the like are on the rise. I’m not here to argue about what we need to do in order to stop them.

I’m here today to offer some insights on self-hate and what to do when you find yourself suffering from it.

 

If we are ever to stop allowing self-hate to color our daily behaviors, thoughts, motivations, etc., we first must figure out why we treat ourselves this way.

 

Why do we tell ourselves we’re fat, ugly, not tall enough, not skilled enough, that everything we’ve done is trash?

Why do we constantly talk to ourselves in our minds like we’re not worthy of love, respect, compassion, patience, etc?

 

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Our self-commentary can turn deadly. We know that.

So why do we do it?

The answers vary from person to person, year to year.

Perhaps we grew up in a not so great family situation.

Maybe the shouts of the plastic society we live in got to us.

Possibly something traumatic happened and we learned (incorrectly) that we were wrong, bad, or not enough.

There are an endless amount of variables and often times we find that there isn’t just one reason we treat ourselves so unkindly.

But we need to be willing to poke at ourselves, to peel back the painful layers of low self-esteem, low self-confidence, cruelty to self, and simple self-hatred, and pick at the reasons behind them.

If not, we’re not going to find the answers we need to move forward.

 

Now, don’t expect these answers to be logical.

More than likely, we’ll find our “why”s are emotional. Rooted in emotionally painful experiences, situations, upbringings, conditioned behaviors, and so on.

Don’t go looking for reasonable answers. Go looking for the truth.

 

I’d challenge you to write it out as you go.

Why do I treat myself this way?

Write down the reasons. Talk them out with someone you trust.

Do they seem less realistic now that you’ve shined the light of day on them?

I certainly hope so.

 

Accept that these are your reasons. That you’ve allowed these things to define you and the way you think about and talk to yourself.

You don’t have to approve of these truths.

Simply accept that they are.

 

Now congratulate yourself!

It’s insanely hard to look at these things!

But you are. You’re trying. That’s what matters, what counts.

We can’t pull out a weed and expect it to stay gone if we leave the roots.

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Dear Everyone,

I just realized there is a fairly large amount of notifications from you guys and gals that I have not seen.

….

So if you’ve commented, asked a question, had a great addition – and I haven’t responded,

I am SO SORRY!

I went searching for a certain post and discovered that there were multiple comments I’d never seen… So I checked on my newly fixed laptop and found that I have LOADS of notifications on here that I’ve not been getting.

On the triquetra post from YEARS ago I have tons of comments! (I’m not too certain what I think about that post, I need to re-read it and perhaps do a follow up to it, with sources provided.)

But that’s beside the point.

 

I cannot believe I’ve missed so much awesomeness from you!

I’m so bummed.

So now I must go spelunking to find all the fabulous words you’ve thrown at me.

I think I might also read through some of my older posts and see if I agree with them still.

 

Also, someone called me the “b” word. Glad I missed that comment. 🙄

The Daphne Shadows Paradox

I’ve been much too hard on myself lately. And I can say that intellectually, but I’m not very good at actually acting on that truth and putting a stop to the beating up of myself. 😉

If you’re doing the same thing – realizing you’re too hard on yourself and need to change – don’t be upset with yourself over that too! Just know that you’re human and we all have things we need to work on.

My digestive disease has gotten progressively worse. I found out there was a giant chunk of information out there discovered by gut doctors who specialize in my thing. Of course, the form of the gut disease I have is the hardest to get rid of. There are two reasons my kind is caused and of course, I have the hardest reason to recover from, as well.

🙄

 

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All of the stuff I need costs loads of monies and I’m currently out of a job. Again.

I’ve tried multiple jobs and each time I end up having to quit because they make my health way worse.

Is there any better fuel for treating oneself terribly than not being able to work? Being able to provide for myself and my dog was the best feeling ever. Now that it’s gone, I find I’m worse about being kind to myself than before I’d ever worked at all.

Other than that, my restless leg syndrome has kept me from sleeping to the point that I began having hallucinations once again. Terrifying. But, at least I know I’m hallucinating.

*shrug*

The migraines, nausea, and anxiety and depression have worsened too. None of the mood stabilizers work. In fact, I never had restless leg syndrome until I took a certain mood stabilizer. I haven’t taken it in almost a year but that’s something people don’t talk about often. Mood stabilizers tear up your health – and once you get something from them, that symptom typically never goes away. Whether you stop taking it or not. I didn’t know that.

No more mood stabilizers for Daphne. Besides, they literally did nothing for my anxiety or depression. Zero change.

 

Through all of this, one of the two hardest parts is not being able to make money. I think it’s the biggest reason I’m so hurtful with myself. 

Despite all of this, I am optimistic. I have my days where it all builds up – can’t eat, starving so I eat something that hurts me, can’t sleep, can’t get rid of the pain, can’t work, can’t support myself, can’t create. My family will ask me if I’m okay and I’ll collapse into a ridiculous amount of hard crying.

Some days it’s hard not to be able to eat, sleep, or do anything but try to find a way out of this Hell. With no luck.

If I wasn’t blessed with a family that cared about me, I don’t know what I would have done by now.

 

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Not being able to create has been one of the hardest things. It’s part of who I am.

Not writing or blogging or doing videos has been so painful in a way I cannot express. And I’ve never been able to get creative in a physical way, creating things with my hands. Because I don’t have the money. And if it isn’t something requires money, I am too bogged down with focusing on trying to survive, that I simply can’t.

There’s this impossible situation I’m living inside. It lives inside of me, physically and in my mind, slinking through the halls and making certain every fiber of my being is focused on despair and failures. Until I see nothing good in myself.

 

The silly part is, I don’t let on to how terrible I feel and how extensively my health messes with me on a daily basis. It’s isolating. It’s isolated me from myself.

 

The past couple of days I’ve been trying to simply accept what’s going on. Surrender to the fact that I can’t control this. Realize I’m not a terrible person for wanting to eat a sandwich. I even want to eat healthily – just can’t digest most stuff.

But what if I stopped being cruel to myself? What if I stopped putting myself down for not getting over my health problems miraculously (gee, that sounds ridiculous now that I’m typing it up)? If I stopped hating myself for not being able to hold down a normal job because of my health?

I’ve never given up.

But some days I do give into feeling defeated and trapped. Recently those days are popping up more and more.

But I’ve never stopped trying. Never stopped searching for the next healthy thing to try.

 

I’ve sincerely had enough of this.

Why should I be angry with myself for being hungry?

I feel I’ve reached a stalemate with self-hate. I can’t quite treat myself in a positive manner but I refuse to act as if any of this is my fault or makes me a bad person, a failure, or weak.

 

I hope whatever your struggles are, knowing others are struggling too brings you some sense of ended isolation. You’re not alone. We’re all struggling with something.

I hope you know change will come. It will come whether we want it to or not. But we can help decide what change that will be.

Don’t isolate. Find friends. Go sit outside with them. Walk around your block and enjoy nature and the fresh air. Write all your feelings out. Find something fun to do and do it. Find whatever is missing in your life by trying everything that looks interesting. Find your purposes and stick to them in a joyful way.

 

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Knowing that I’m struggling isn’t the point of this.

I’ve never given myself much credit when it comes to anything, really. I know there are loads of you who do the same thing. Tearing yourselves down, only focusing on what you “get wrong” or “haven’t done”.

We have to stop doing this.

So I’m going to give myself a compliment. Online, for everyone to see. *cringe*

And I hope you’ll give yourself a compliment in the comment section of this post too.

 

Compliment to myself: Daphne, you are living with immovable objects all over in your life. Things you cannot stop. Things you cannot control. Things and situations that have never let up, not for a moment, always trying to hurt you, to stop you, to defeat you.

They’re not going to win. You’re an unstoppable force.

Fights between immovable objects and unstoppable forces never end in defeat.

I’m already winning by not giving up. Even though nothing gets better. My health only gets worse, in fact. How amazing is it that I haven’t given up? I am not prideful for seeing that.

I’m still here and trying. I haven’t given up. I’m even looking into ways to getting paid for being a creator – you know, what I’m good at and won’t worsen my health. How on earth can I see myself as weak?

Leave a compliment for YOURSELF in the comments section below, would you? You have something great inside you that can never be reached if you squash it with self-cruelty. What compliment can you give yourself?

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