Technology Really Sucks Sometimes

 

 

 

Not to mention that I cannot utilize this blog very easily now. I don’t even know how to work it on my tablet really.

My laptop has been glitchy for about three months now but it’s finally stopped being useful in the least.

😑😡😭😖

So I just went through a particularly painful move, started a new part-time job, my health is giving me Hell, and I’m not sleeping.

And now my laptop died.

😑

Oh, and not to mention that I can no longer look forward to monetizing my YouTube channel in hopes of making a few extra bucks monthly to fund my creative endeavors. Because instead of needing 10,000 overall views on my videos, I need 1,000 subscribers to my channel. 

I just started the channel a few months ago so obviously, I don’t have anywhere near that many subscribers. Which means no money for soundproofing, a camera, or lighting.

And now I need a bloody computer.

 

*pulls hair out*

 

All of my monies from my new part-time job will be going to my health and my dog. So this is a problem.

I love blogging and doing YouTube videos. I love connecting with you and learning all of these amazing things and giving what I have to offer in hopes of sharing, inspiring, or helping with anxiety through ASMR weirdness and other oddities that I have to give.

I have missed being able to check in and blog, youtube, and tweet the past few weeks while all the moving went on. And now this.

I miss you.

*hugs*

 

I also just recently got back into writing by committing to a story that I release by the chapter on my YouTube channel. It was really getting me excited to write again, keeping me going. It was also filling me with healthy coping mechanisms instead of me eating foods my digestive disease doesn’t approve of (which is like all foods ever).

 

Oh, and I deleted my Patreon account. I just don’t feel comfortable with offering some creativity to people willing to pay for extras that I don’t share with everyone. So everything is going to all of you. No more patreon.

 

With all of this, I ask if you’d like to help me out. There are two ways you can do this.

One, you could throw monies at me at my PayPal account.
https://paypal.me/daphneshadows?locale.x=en_US

Two, you could throw awesomeness at me here or on twitter. Quotes, uplifting messages, gifs, stories of how you’ve kicked butt, places I could ask for donations, photos of animals, anything positive.

I know you have awesome experiences and have won a lot of battles. I feel weird asking, but, cheer me up? Please?

 

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Free Shadowy Story, Chapter by Chapter

You know how I started this blog years ago, talking about the story I was working on?

And then I stopped writing that one, began writing a new one, then gave up on that one too?

I’ve become tired of being a writer who gives no stories. So I started writing a story and I’m going to release it chapter by chapter on YouTube.

 

I’m hoping this constant commitment to keep writing something I’m having a lot of fun with, and hopefully getting feedback as I go, will get me to fight off the depression and anxiety and get on a regular basis of writing.

Plus I’m excited to see what you think.

 

Here’s what the story is about:

Numi is a storyteller living in a town with a secret. She doesn’t know that though. All she knows is it’s been a shoddy week. When her mother dies, a restless spirit begins tormenting her and Numi’s home is broken into. Numi has to wonder, did the ceremony to bind her mother to the other side work? If not, did it let something into the world of the living? She has no idea of the struggle between evil and, well, better that now depends on her finding answers. Maybe Numi will need to do more than find answers…

 

I threw that blurb together while uploading the video, so I will probably change it around as we go.

I got the idea after putting up part one of a bedtime story that I whispered for ASMR purposes.

I’m messing around with the idea of releasing a written version to my $3/month patreon patrons. I dunno.

And in case you’re wondering what the title of the story is, I welcome you to listen to, “Numi of Nysius”.

Let me know what you think. Good beginning to a story?

Help Me Create My Next Bedtime Story Episode on YouTube

We all know I’ve been having a hard time getting to my writing.

Whether its depression, anxiety, sleep deprivation causing hallucinations, or inability to justify to myself working on writing stories when I have no money due to being unemployed once again… It’s been an uphill battle to get to a point where I am writing more than a few days out of the month.

So I’ve begun creating a whispered bedtime story on my YouTube channel, in hopes of keeping my creativity fed and breeding.

The first installment was pretty good for coming up with a story on the spot and then immediately posting it for the world to see. Or, hear, rather.

But life kicked me where it really hurt and the second part of the story suffered from exhaustion.

 

What I’d LOVE to have happen is for you to become my patron and spitball ideas with me on how to proceed with part 3 of the story. You throw me ideas and we’ll pick them apart together and you just might spark my exhaustion into early retirement.

Let me know what you think should happen next, what creatures you’d enjoy joining the cast, and what you’d like Loska to do about her craving for a certain prize the djinn require from her.

Become my patron and let me know. 😍 I’m excited to see what we can create together!

Click the following link to join me.

https://www.patreon.com/posts/help-me-create-24869136

 

Don’t worry, becoming my patron doesn’t cost an arm, leg, or your unborn first child. 😀

Becoming my patron means you’ll be helping me keep creating in a world that doesn’t think creative types should be paid for their contributions to planet earth. It literally can be as little as $3 a month. Literally.

There are 4 different ways to become my patron. Become my Cohort in Crazy, my Messy Mystery Mate, Beta Buddy, or Pal Beyond the Pale. For more info on each option of becoming my patron – and all the perks that come with it – click the following link.

 

And if this isn’t your thing, no worries. Stay tuned for the next episode of my bedtime story. (And if that’s not your thing, then don’t worry about any of this. 😊 Continue on being awesome.)

Writer Nerves

I have them.

Right now.

As we speak (or, you know, as I write this), I am uploading a video onto YouTube.

This video has me nervous. Unsure. Kinda wishing I would accidentally delete it.

 

What is it?

Why, thank you for asking, super-secret blogosphere stalker.

It is the first video in a new series of bedtime stories.

I’m doing this thing called ASMR. (I’ll talk more about that at a future date.)

For now, all you need to know is I’ve created a playlist called “ASMR Whispering Originals”. 

It’s something I have never done before.

I am used to writing stories, editing and re-writing them eight thousand times before ANYONE SEES THEM, EVER.

 

I am kinda FREAKING OUT!

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The bedtime story?

I didn’t write it.

I didn’t edit it.

I didn’t even come up with a plot line.

 

I jotted down a few ideas –

“once upon a time”

“magic in the world”

“all magic taken away by dragons to keep humans safe”

“magic put into 3 strongest creatures: one young woman, one mother, one old man”

“go to djinn”

“break rules”

“knock on doors for dragon egg”

“ask the dead”

 

That’s it.

I made everything up as I went.

And I’ve not edited it. Nor have I ever told a story out loud. I’m not sure I’m good at it. I’m not even certain I like it. And I swallow really loudly once during the video.

*eye twitch*

Did I mention I’m whispering the whole time? (It’s an ASMR thing.)

 

Anywho. I have that writely clenching before exposing a story to another human being. Only this time it’s very, very different and probably has more adverbs than you can shake a stick at.

I think if I can get over the writer uncertainty (and shut my inner critic in the basement), that it would be fun.

It was a little fun, actually, to come up with stuff and whisper as I went. Now all I need to do is get over the fear and focus on having fun.

Besides, it’s a bedtime story. It’s supposed to be flowery and weird and not precise or make entirely perfect sense.

 

Any writers here ever make something up on the spot and show it to your audience immediately? It’s terrifying. How’d you deal with it? Did you have fun?

I swear I should make a new 30-day fear challenge. This is totally terrifying.

Afraid of it?

Doing it.

 

Oh, and it isn’t the entire story.

What do you think?

To be continued…

Day 6: Fear – Stress, Depression, and Hypomania

I am going to stop posting my vlogs every day. Since this is an everyday thing, I’m going to begin posting twice a week, with the newest videos. I don’t want to overload you guys with an email every freaking day during this 30-day challenge. If you want it day to day, subscribe to my youtube channel.

Let me know what you think about this. It’s your inbox.

Plus this gives me room to do my once a week post.

 

The purpose is… what fears are we allowing to hold us back from achieving our dreams, living our lives fully and authentically, or contributing to the lives around us?

This is part of a 30-day challenge where I will record myself telling you something I’m afraid of, something I’m afraid for people to know, or tell you about something that I did that I was afraid to do that day.

I challenge you to do the same.


 

DAY SIX

 

The stress, the anxiety, the panic attacks… those things I can work toward changing. But hypomania? That’s because I’m bipolar. That’s not something that I can meditate or walk away. And I keep trying to pretend that I don’t have legitimate health issues that I can’t change, and it’s making me miserable.

Does anyone else struggle with this? Anything like this? Anyone have any wisdom to impart?

 

Day 5: Fear – In a Funk (and Proof)

This is part of a 30-day challenge where I will record myself telling you something I’m afraid of, something I’m afraid for people to know, or tell you about something that I did that I was afraid to do that day.

I challenge you to do the same.

It’s freeing. To take what you’re afraid of and do it. To expose it. To expose all of who you are (not telling you to flash your neighbors) for people to see.

I feel we live in a world where people are trying to pretend to be someone they’re not on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and on and on. We put up this fake self so that people think we’re only this small portion of who we really are. So here is all of me.


 

DAY FIVE

 

 

PROOF that I’m letting my day 4 fear work for me.

I don’t match. And I don’t care.

Also, my sister had just woken up from a nap. 😉

(I don’t know what happened… For like two hours in the middle of the day I was so peppy!….. *passes out from exhaustion*)

Okay… tell me something.

Day 3: Fear – Afraid My Tomorrow Will Be Just Like My Yesterday

This is part of a 30-day challenge where I will record myself telling you something I’m afraid of, something I’m afraid for people to know, or tell you about something that I did that I was afraid to do that day.

I challenge you to do the same.

It’s freeing. To take what you’re afraid of and do it. To expose it. To expose all of who you are (not telling you to flash your neighbors) for people to see.

I feel we live in a world where people are trying to pretend to be someone they’re not on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and on and on. We put up this fake self so that people think we’re only this small portion of who we really are. So here is all of me.


 

DAY THREE

 

 

“Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment. Cleverness is mere opinion, bewilderment is intuition.”

Rumi

 

What are you afraid to begin as a ….. *ahem* beginner?