I Have a Better Question

Do you ever feel like a marionette?

The daily to-do’s and responsibilities as your strings?

Only they’re made of steel. Filling up your eyesight and jerking you from here to there. Yet leaving you oddly hollow, skin tight, eyes forcing themselves to stay open through what begins to feel like a meaningless shuffle for a cardboard crowd.

That’s how I feel today.

Tired.

Pointless.

Where’s the joy for life? The promise of something better?

Some days I feel like no matter how hard I try to climb my way out of this revolving door – I’m still here.

Still fighting.

For more.

Something better.

 

What to do?

I mean, we have so many options.

We could always give up, give in. Let depression bury us in a myriad of distractions, mind-numbing things we do because it’s what we always do and we’re just so tired and change is hard.

We could let anger turn into bitter resentments. Become a nasty human who only spreads misery, always has a reason to martyr themselves or explain why they’re not responsible or how it’s someone else’s fault.

We could go the illegal route. Hurt or exploit others for money.

We could slap on a fake smile and pretend everything is just dandy while inside we slip further and further into oblivion. Lying to ourselves.

Or we could keep fighting.

Hoping.

Trying.

Looking for the positivity.

Doing what we can.

Enjoying the little things.

The little successes.

Keep finding a reason.

 

You see, I think we search too much for the meaning of life.

We’re here. I think that’s all the proof or validation that we need.

I think the point is to live our own life as best we can, treating ourselves with dignity and love, and then trying to help others.

I think our purposes can change as we do. But if we’re not really living life, then we’re not living up to our potential.

 

Enjoying life is easier said than done.

I’m still depressed, sitting on the couch, wondering why I bother to write, since I haven’t finished a novel I like yet and haven’t been published yet and simply lack for direction in my life.

But it’s a low day for me. I recognize that. Yesterday was a great day. And the day before that. I’m going to exercise in less than an hour from now and I know that always elevates my mood. I still feel like I’m running on a hamster wheel, though.

The reason I’m telling you this is, I think we can feel so stuck, so miserable, and fight for so long – that it feels like nothing will ever change. That we’ll never fight our way to the top of our own struggles.

But we will.

We already have.

What was so hard to you three years ago that felt like it would never end? Something you’ve conquered?

We’re stronger than we think.

We’re allowed to feel tired and depressed and sick of always having to fight for what seems to come easily to others.

We just can’t let that keep us from living and enjoying our own lives in whatever healthy ways we can.

 

Everything is easier said than done.

There are days where we question the point of our existence. But I have a better question.

What’s the point of giving up?

woman-865021_1920

Advertisements

New Spin on Forgiveness and Love: Victim Shaming

“Love cannot exist without the dimension of justice.”

– Unknown

 

Forgiveness is an interesting topic to me.

Much of my life, forgiveness has been a patsy for negative, addicted, controlling, and manipulative people.

It made everything a person could ever do, okay.

And now, I read articles, hear people talk about, and see media portray, forgiveness in the same way.

And it pisses me off.

 

rose on the book

 

Forgiveness, according to a majority of the media, is thusly:

Forgive everyone for harming you in any way, then love them enough to allow them back into your life. Forgive and forget, wiping your brain of the memory of what they did. Remain naïve, trust them. Allow them to harm you again. Forgive them – rinse and repeat.

 

*ahem*

 

No. That is not what forgiveness is. And not only does this change the healing of “forgiveness” into something insidious and disgusting, but it also drags love in there.

Along this line of reasoning, love is defined thusly:

If you love someone, it doesn’t matter what they do or say, cause, or believe. You love them. That means anything goes and if you ever feel an emotion of misgiving, shove it.

 

Again, no.

 

People are turning “love” and “forgiveness” into a form of Victim Shaming.

Once again making everything negative, abusive, or harmful in any way – the victim’s fault. And they should just take it and be quiet.

Or they’re a bad person. Or a bad Christian. Or a bad mother, bad lover, bad father, bad human being.

Of course this is all done with extreme subtly and manipulation, leaving the person clueless to how badly those around them are stripping the term forgiveness of any real substance. But once you take a good look, it’s all saying the same thing.

“I should be able to do whatever I want, however often I want, and you should keep letting me do it, while smiling and loving me.”

 

Bollocks!

 

stockvault-high-key-rose133106

 

Forgiveness is not a patsy for the abusive.

Forgiveness is letting go. Taking all the gunk of anger, resentment, and bitterness and getting rid of it. Not allowing it to hold you down any longer. Forgiving someone for something they’ve done wrong to you in the past.

 

Forgiving someone does not mean that what they did is okay. It is not okay. But let it go. Learn the lesson, let go of the anger, and move forward.

Forgive but do not forget.

Forgive but protect yourself. Make your boundaries.

Let the past go, but remember that it is your responsibility to make good decisions and see to it that you don’t allow others to hurt you in the future.

You are not alive to be used.

You are worthy of love, respect, and happiness.

 

Again:

“Love cannot exist without the dimension of justice.”

– Unknown