Craving To Be Seen

No one paid me any attention. No one noticed me.

It hurt.

Put nasty coils and engine oil in my gut. Threatened to make me cry.

I kept going anyway.

 

Who cares if no one saw me?

I cared. But I didn’t want to.

I mattered to me.

Others mattered to me and I showed it.

Why couldn’t I garner such a response?

I kept going anyway.

 

It continued to burn at the back of my throat.

Made my feet heavy.

Almost as if what I did didn’t matter.

It might float away. No weight to it at all. Maybe it did.

 

But I squeezed my eyes shut and refused to feel jealous.

I did not like that feeling one bit.

It was disgusting to me.

Bacon grease mixing with gutter water.

I refused it. Wouldn’t touch it.

 

I did my thing.

Buried my tears.

Held a plushy to my chest and didn’t care that it was childlike.

One part of myself I never cared for approval of.

 

I pretended I didn’t care.

Until I didn’t, really.

I did my thing because I chose to see me.

I did my thing because I enjoyed it. Loved it. Wanted it in my life.

I did my thing because I wanted you to smile.

I mean, I’d always wanted you to smile. But I let go of the importance I attached to your noticing me.

Just had fun. Gave what I had.

That’s when you noticed me.

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If You Are Looking For A Sign

Don’t worry about what the world thinks of you.

What do you think about you?

Are you being true to yourself, genuine, in line with the person you want to be?

Who do you wish you were?

You can become that person. What would that person think about the world’s opinion of them? That version of yourself probably wouldn’t care, right?

 

We are all looking for validation and approval. Make sure you’re looking in the right places.

People are always going to judge you.

Don’t worry about it.

Do your thing.

Be your strange or boring self.

People are going to laugh.

Be yourself anyway.

They’re not laughing at you. They’re allowing their insecurities and unhealthy beliefs to show.

 

We are all looking for some sign to tell us if we’re good enough.

You are good enough.

Criminently, you are fabulous!

 

Align who you are with who you want to be.

Don’t concern yourself with the mocking, the finger pointing, the cruel bullying. They aren’t really happy. That’s why they’re trying to destroy you.

 

Just be okay with who you are. You are good enough right here and right now.

From there, you can begin building yourself into whoever it is you want to become.

That’s one of the whole points of life – becoming.

 

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