who else lives daily with the feeling of defeat? if your heart is heavy, come sit it at my feet. I understand you, I know you all too well, tell me when life broke you, how hard you fell.
you can find solace, here with me I promise to truly hear you, to really see. I know this world is ugly, believe you me sometimes all we do is ache, exist, be.
you don’t have to smile for me, no pretending I know how much energy you’re expending. every day, just trying to smile, keep it all together fearing a breakdown under the weight of one last feather.
but here it is quiet and here you are free here you can lay your burden down with me. we can sit safely together in the darkness of life and you can spill all your secrets, your shame, your strife.
we’ll stare at the sky until something beautiful shines even as our light, our fire, sputters and whines. I know you have merit, sometimes you have joy and I know this world treats your heart like a toy.
come sit with me, and take a moment to breathe remove your mask, this fake, suffocating sleeve. unzip your skin, for what we need is each other so come with me this night so we can make it through another.
i keep fighting forward and just when i think i’ve got my feet under me i realize i’m on my knees bloodied and hazy
can you create castles out of sand? a masterpiece from oils and fine brushes? a whole, walking, talking person out of a broken, beaten, wraith? – only to have a sledgehammer taken to it?
again and again and again
do you choose to stand, crawl, scream rage against the silence chip away at the race you cannot win and keep kind against the cruelty?
only to end up back here again dazed wondering who cried the tears on your cheeks or left the spire of rage in your chest? who took the wind from your sails the breath from your lungs? left your hands mere shards of bone with your lips sewn shut?
i get tired of this place i know you’ve been here too how can we all feel so alone when we tread the same footsteps until the ground is more worn than our spirits
is this it? an endless loop
a trudging march to the beat of whatever drum happens to hold our reins a constant gasping above the surface before we fight not to drown once more
Remember me as these little moments where my true self shines through this disease caking my pores. They’re all I get. These little moments. Shuddering gasps of air, touches of soothing peace and mercy. They’re not enough. They hide behind eternity now, growing farther away. Bare slits in the bag over my soul, leaking until I can see the sun, for a brief reprieve.
And I give them to you. Little notes. Filled to the brim with what my tears can’t communicate. Before I crumple back in on myself, alone and suffocating. I know it’s not enough.
What happens when that’s all I am? Scraps left behind. As the void reaches through my skin, wrapping it’s charred claws round my heart? The silence is breaking me. All these little moments, huddling together in the dark, begging for more.
Just a blip on the screen of the body that was stolen from me. I am running out of time but I’m not the one using it all up.