Okay, not wise.
Forgive a goofy writer her wordplay.
We’re pretty familiar with a situation like the following:
A person tells you how great you are.
You don’t believe them.
Said person is then miffed as to why you don’t believe them. Why can’t you see how awesome you are, they wonder.
Most of us have been on one end of this conversation. Many have been on both sides.
We’re living in a world where we hear things like the following much too often:
They kept texting her to kill herself, so she did.
He couldn’t make the pain stop any other way, so he jumped.
She buys all that stuff for the rush of feel-good chemicals.
He buys all that makeup because he thinks he’s ugly.
She won’t marry him because she thinks she’s too fat to be loved.
I hear all the time that my parents’ generation has a hard time believing in things like anxiety, depression, mood disorders of all sorts, and suicide rates.
I’m not here to figure out why suicide and depression and things of the like are on the rise. I’m not here to argue about what we need to do in order to stop them.
I’m here today to offer some insights on self-hate and what to do when you find yourself suffering from it.
If we are ever to stop allowing self-hate to color our daily behaviors, thoughts, motivations, etc., we first must figure out why we treat ourselves this way.
Why do we tell ourselves we’re fat, ugly, not tall enough, not skilled enough, that everything we’ve done is trash?
Why do we constantly talk to ourselves in our minds like we’re not worthy of love, respect, compassion, patience, etc?
Our self-commentary can turn deadly. We know that.
So why do we do it?
The answers vary from person to person, year to year.
Perhaps we grew up in a not so great family situation.
Maybe the shouts of the plastic society we live in got to us.
Possibly something traumatic happened and we learned (incorrectly) that we were wrong, bad, or not enough.
There are an endless amount of variables and often times we find that there isn’t just one reason we treat ourselves so unkindly.
But we need to be willing to poke at ourselves, to peel back the painful layers of low self-esteem, low self-confidence, cruelty to self, and simple self-hatred, and pick at the reasons behind them.
If not, we’re not going to find the answers we need to move forward.
Now, don’t expect these answers to be logical.
More than likely, we’ll find our “why”s are emotional. Rooted in emotionally painful experiences, situations, upbringings, conditioned behaviors, and so on.
Don’t go looking for reasonable answers. Go looking for the truth.
I’d challenge you to write it out as you go.
Why do I treat myself this way?
Write down the reasons. Talk them out with someone you trust.
Do they seem less realistic now that you’ve shined the light of day on them?
I certainly hope so.
Accept that these are your reasons. That you’ve allowed these things to define you and the way you think about and talk to yourself.
You don’t have to approve of these truths.
Simply accept that they are.
Now congratulate yourself!
It’s insanely hard to look at these things!
But you are. You’re trying. That’s what matters, what counts.
We can’t pull out a weed and expect it to stay gone if we leave the roots.