Shadow Poetry

here there be dragons

your breath keeps fogging up my heart. fingertips charred, frostbitten heart, you need this. hope hurts but it’s the only game in town. and if my lungs can pretend I’m alive, we can make it on this tightrope. too far from the ground to know what’s up or down, bleed into it. dig in. electricity swimming through my nerve endings, a heady breeze stolen from the safety just out of reach.

I had my eyes closed when I tripped over your wings, blinked and you were gone. I’m dropping baggage and balancing on broken feet. try me. they already did, with gasoline in their veins and thorns in their embrace, but they fell to their own poison.

a kiss can never lie but death sure tries. and just before I flatlined, I felt it wake in me. a sleeping creature that met me as I fell, live flames in my mouth, jumper cables to my heart.

breathing fire isn’t so hard, after all.


by Daphne Shadows

Stream of Consciousness

Right Now Hurts

I was going to do a different post today, but dang. Today hurts.

Life is hard.

Give yourself more credit.

And when you mess up, because you WILL mess up, don’t hurt yourself more by hating on yourself.


I struggle with food, a lot.

I have a digestive disease that leaves me with only brown rice, grapes, strawberries, cauliflower, zucchini, avocado, chicken broth, and eggs to eat. Everything else will not digest properly and I end up in so much pain that I can’t function.

What’s the one thing trainers and nutritionists both agree with? Don’t go on an insanely restrictive diet, you won’t be able to sustain (stick to) it.

Well, they’re absolutely right.

So I break and eat things I shouldn’t.

And guess what happens then? Regardless of calories, I gain weight because my body can’t digest the food properly.

It’s been 7 years of this and I’m breaking. And it’s not the physical pain that get’s me.


I’ve gained 20 pounds and it hurts. Emotionally. I’ve dealt with a lot of abuse and chronic health issues and inability to do what I desire because of both, since a child. But this? Weight gain? I’d have to say it’s in the top 3 most painful things I’ve ever experienced.

Only, this pain attacks my identity, my sense of self, my self worth. Constantly. I don’t know how people handle it.

I’ve been in so much pain because of restless leg syndrome that I’ve honestly considered finding ways to knock myself unconscious. I’ve hallucinated because of lack of sleep due to this syndrome. It’s insane. I feel crazy. Picture the crazy Hollywood person in a white padded cell, pulling out their hair and slamming their head into the wall. That’s how RLS makes me feel.

If I had the choice to get rid of ONE thing? I’d choose the extra weight. I’d keep the migraines, I’d keep the nausea, I’d keep the bipolar depression which I can’t be medicated for, I’d keep the inability to run (the only time I used to feel free), the lack of sleep, the chest pain, I’d keep all my other health issues.

If I could get rid of the weight.


So, today or tonight, whenever you read this, if you’re struggling, I’d like you to know that you are strong. Even when you feel the absolute weakest. You can get through whatever you’re facing.

Tomorrow is a new day. Everyone makes mistakes. It doesn’t make us bad, evil, less than good enough, or gross. It makes us human.

And one thing humans have in common as a species? We adapt, we figure a way out, we survive, we overcome.

Shadow Poetry

no vacancy

i didn’t run dry

you bled me out

like a carcass


left me propped up

no toe tag to speak of

lights on

‘open for business’ sign lit up

and lying


it’s empty

bound and covered

scrawled with lovely

bold lettering

embossed even

pages numbered

it’s empty


Daphne Shadows

Stream of Consciousness

Mental Health Break

So last week I didn’t do any blogging or step into Twitter because I just

could

not

anymore.

 

And you know what? People were pretty cool about it.

I just want to celebrate that for a moment.

 

We are a crazy society that sometimes causes pain out of thin air, makes bad situations worse, and uses hate to fight hate.

But we are also adaptable and beautiful and capable of healthy change. Of coming together and lifting one another.

 

Yeah, there are nasty people in this world. Hateful, bigoted, dangerous people who just want to spread pain and misery.

BUT there are wonderful people in this world, too. People who fight for what is right, people who would NEVER step on someone else to get higher up the ladder, who comfort those that need comfort, and mourn with those that are mourning.

There are lovely people who truly SEE those around them. Who support and lead and spread joy and hope in ways that touch hearts and invigorate minds.

 

A simple smile. Someone talking to you like you’re really there, like you’re human. A hug (when it’s welcomed). Someone to sit with you while you cry and just BE there.

There are wondrous human beings.

And there is hope. No matter how much life hurts. There is hope.

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Stream of Consciousness

what to do?

what do you do when your reserves are bone dry

and all the answers you’ve received aren’t helping?

 

what do you do when your best just isn’t good enough

and your hard work and effort haven’t produced anything?

 

how do you live when you’re caught between a deluge of pain

and the struggling knowledge that you need to be, you must be optimistic and hopeful?

 

how do you live

when all the energy you have left is going to survival?

 

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Stream of Consciousness

fight

give yourself credit

forgive your past mistakes

let go of what you think makes you unworthy or unlovable

 

you matter

you’re needed

don’t give up on yourself or your dreams

 

fight

even if fighting means all you do is get up and do what you can – fight

even if you don’t feel it

hope for it

even if you can’t hope or trust or believe or find it in yourself to feel anything good at all – keep going.

keep moving and the feeling will eventually follow

 

don’t give up on yourself

 

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Stream of Consciousness

washing basin of another sort

there’s a reservoir i find deep inside

a pool of mirrors, turned malleable

i swim there

dip my toe

lie on my back

weightless

forgetting the

tick

tock

of time

 

i visit

but i can’t seem to stay

not yet

anyway

 

if i dip the slivers of my soul

inside

just for the slightest

of breaths

 

they grow

the battered

bruised

surface

glowing

shining

with new strength

scar tissue proving

i can do this

and so can you

 

believe in magic

believe in you

 

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Stream of Consciousness

pinky promise?

promise me this

if you get lost

you’ll keep looking for a path, a light, an opening

don’t give up

don’t give in to the cold and the darkness so eagerly reaching its hands out to you, fingers outstretched, wanting you to curl up in a ball at the base of a gulf so wide and deep you’ll never find which way is up to crawl out

keep going

one breath at a time

one choice at a time

one footstep into the unknown you’re facing at a time

knowing

knowing you can handle whatever comes next

and no matter how much it hurts, stretches you, scars you – you are stronger

 

promise me

promise me

you will never give up

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