Craving To Be Seen

No one paid me any attention. No one noticed me.

It hurt.

Put nasty coils and engine oil in my gut. Threatened to make me cry.

I kept going anyway.

 

Who cares if no one saw me?

I cared. But I didn’t want to.

I mattered to me.

Others mattered to me and I showed it.

Why couldn’t I garner such a response?

I kept going anyway.

 

It continued to burn at the back of my throat.

Made my feet heavy.

Almost as if what I did didn’t matter.

It might float away. No weight to it at all. Maybe it did.

 

But I squeezed my eyes shut and refused to feel jealous.

I did not like that feeling one bit.

It was disgusting to me.

Bacon grease mixing with gutter water.

I refused it. Wouldn’t touch it.

 

I did my thing.

Buried my tears.

Held a plushy to my chest and didn’t care that it was childlike.

One part of myself I never cared for approval of.

 

I pretended I didn’t care.

Until I didn’t, really.

I did my thing because I chose to see me.

I did my thing because I enjoyed it. Loved it. Wanted it in my life.

I did my thing because I wanted you to smile.

I mean, I’d always wanted you to smile. But I let go of the importance I attached to your noticing me.

Just had fun. Gave what I had.

That’s when you noticed me.

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I Know Better

And yes, I remember you.

Slinking through the corridors at night while no one was watching.

I saw you.

I knew you.

 

I remember the air in your veins breathing past my lips.

Filling every heartbeat until my teeth burned.

They didn’t know you had a secret.

Or where you went.

I knew you.

 

They say you don’t exist.

 

By Daphne Shadows

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11 Quotes for Those With Holiday Blues

It happens. For one reason or another, some of us easily get bogged down by one negativity, pain, or bad situation or another. 

So here are a few quotes to hopefully give you some perspective and hope.

 

“Self-care isn’t always manicures, bubble baths, and eating healthy food. Sometimes it’s forcing yourself to get out of bed, take a shower, and participate in life again.”

– Unknown

 

“The moment you feel you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment to absolutely and utterly walk away.”

― Alysia Harris

 

“The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it.”

― Thomas S. Monson

 

“We can only be what we give ourselves the power to be.”

– Native American Proverb

 

“Raise your words, not your voice. It is the rain that grows flowers, not thunder.”

– Rumi 

 

“Within the chaos, magic is found.”

– Tara Isis Gerris

 

“Sometimes, good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

– Marilyn Monroe

 

“It never hurts to keep looking for sunshine.” 

– Eeyore 

 

“There’s no shame in having to fight every day. If you’re still alive to hear these words… then you are winning your war. You’re here.” 

– Jared Padalecki

 

“Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem to be solved.”

– Winnie the Pooh

 

“A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity.”

– Franz Kafka

 

There is a lot of beauty in yourself and in this world.

Don’t give up on that.

 

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