A new year is coming. You know this. I know this.
We seem obsessed with starting over, having a clean slate, making changes, and making new goals at the end and beginning of a year.
I believe we can do this any moment of any day or night. But I honor every single person in this life that decides to try any of this at any time. Including those of us who go about the same newness at new year’s.
So here we go.
I’d like to make some lists and ask myself some questions this new year. If you’re wanting to do the same thing but don’t know where to start – here’s what I’m going to do. Maybe it can give you some ideas or spark a similar desire in you.
- Blame. Who do I blame for what? If I blame someone for all the bad stuff, I better blame them for the good stuff too. (Tony Robbins gave me this idea.)
- Bucket List. Of sorts. I’m terrified to want anything. And so I don’t know what I want any longer. This year, I want to make a bucket list. I want to figure out what I want.
- A goals list for this coming year (2020).
- A goals list for the next 3 years.
- A goals list for the next 5 years.
- This year, I want to go through all of my old journals and read them. I’m terrified but I think it’s important. Then decide if I want to keep them or burn them.
- I want to organize and de-clutter my half of the bedroom (my sister and I share a room) before January 1st 2020. This is the only one on this list I want to do before the new year arrives.
- What do I blame myself for? How am I unkind to myself? How am I kind to myself?
- Types of books I’d like to read. Books on body language, dogs, different culture’s mythology, books by Tony Robbins, gut books, psychology books, etc.
- What have I done that’s working this year? What have I done that’s not worked this past year?
- Habits I want to let go of. Habits I want to begin.
- Use a daily check in journal so I can do a sort of emotional check in. I’m uncomfortable doing this because my emotional state is so messy and deeply negative sometimes and I feel ashamed of that.
- I want to create some sort of mini-crate thingy to hold index cards with quotes on them. As well as getting my quotes off of my bookmarks and Pinterest.
- I want to get back into meditation. It feels good.
- What I’m afraid of. What would happen if those fears came true. What I would do. Worst case scenario. What if the absolute best thing happened?
- What are the things that I allow to cause me to feel stress, anxiety, worry, depression, panic, and fear? Are those things actively causing me harm? What can I do that’s healthy to stop these things? In what ways can I cope in a healthy way with the things I cannot control?
- How am I doing physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, mentally? How do I want to be doing?
- If I wasn’t afraid of hurting other’s feelings what would I do? What would I say?
- What have I learned about myself this year?
- What challenges have I faced and overcome? I never linger on this. I always hear that it would be a great idea and helps with depression. Do I do this? Nope.
- What would I love to have finished by the year 2021 if I didn’t put realistic expectations on myself?
- What is fun for me? What can I do for fun? I am not good at having fun – I don’t do it even though I know its what I need and is healthy. What do I want to do for fun? What can I realistically do to get myself to have fun?
- What is my purpose?
- If “real job” or “self-worth attached to job” didn’t exist – what would I be doing?
- What would I like to spend most of my time on?
- Is there any social media I can get rid of?
- What can I make my morning routine? My nightly routine?
- What does self-care mean for me?
- How can I do something to stop giving into this character flaw: when I’m around people, I tend to take on their energy level and emotional state regardless of what I feel or think.
- How can I do something to stop giving into this character flaw: I feel extreme physical and emotional pain when I say “no” or when I don’t do, feel, or want what people want me to do, feel, or want. I feel like I’m an evil, bad person and am doing the wrong thing.
- And the one question I’ve never even bothered to try answering (because I feel it’s impossible) – what would I do if money was not an issue?
- LASTLY – I’d like to print this out and actually pay attention to this blog post I just wrote. Instead of simply shaping the chaos inside me into words and letting it go. I’d like to actually act on this. All the knowledge in the world is useless without acting on it, integrating it into my life and habits.
- Then (yes, I know, I said lastly but I wrote it, I get to break my own rules – writers kinda do that all the time), I want to write a blog post titled, “A Year of Learning” and be honest with myself and you.
- Am I going to spend my life trying to survive or am I going to live intentionally, aware, and awake, consciously going in the direction of who I am to become and what I have to give?
I don’t want to make these lists and answer all of these questions in the next few days before the next year begins. Oh no. That’d be impossible and pointless.
I want to answer these questions and create these lists over the next year. By year 2021 I want to have answers. I want to learn something about myself. I want to live my own life, instead of spend my days and nights in a distraction haze, trying to survive.
I’ve been a little lifeless this year here on my blog. It’s not because I don’t have a desire to write or be expressive. The reasoning is a little more depressing. I’m afraid. I’m swamped by stress to the point I can’t think straight or cope with anything in a healthy way. I’ve spent this year falling apart.
I want more. I want 2020 to be a year of rebuilding. Only, I get to choose the building blocks and I get to choose what I’m creating.
What are some questions and lists you want to make this upcoming year? What do you want?