there’s a reason
i know there is
but it left me
took flight while i slept
the morning dew
couldn’t break my fall
maybe there wasn’t a reason, after all
Tag: poem
enchantment
“run away with me”
isn’t appealing to me
don’t whisper it in my ear
or dream up fanciful futures
in some far away land
no.
stay
spin a tail of our reality
so firm and heart breakingly beautiful
haunt my dreams
with seductions you can spin here
now, today
if you can’t spell a story
with what we’ve got
then you’re no fairy tale life
weave me a telling
better yet
entice yourself
create magic out of the ordinary
You
In the dead of night
The nights I sling shot through sleep and not
Blurry eyed and drowning in the mess of wakefulness
Sometimes
I wonder
Do you think of me?
I lie at the bottom of a volcano
Liquid heat meshing through my chest
Dripping from my finger tips
Thick walls at my every side
Cocooning me into neither here nor there
And a whisper of curiosity grips me
A lacy shudder flooding my system
Do you wake
In the dead of night
Wondering about me?
can’t be
brokenness hurts
and i can’t seem to erase it
from my bones
i scrub and scrape
and beg and cry
but i’m still broken
still living in a graveyard
trying to dig my way out
of my own coffin
i don’t want to be here
don’t want to bleed tears
i wish my heart didn’t hurt
to be honest
some days i wish i was just numb
truly numb
no pain, no misery
but i know that’s not realistic
i just wish my heart didn’t hurt
i bought new skin
i painted my face
took all the classes
sat in all the circles
prayed to the heavens
read all the books
tried all the meds
sat in silence
but nobody heard me
no answers came
and i couldn’t heal me, either
i guess
but all this pain
can’t be it
brokenness can’t be my fate
so i’ve braved the weather
the cold and the hate
to find this tiny flower
outside the walls of my tomb
i’ll leave it in a jar
and pray it stays alive
because my life cannot be
just the need to survive.
the words
i have more words
i just don’t know what they are yet
and i don’t want to scream into the abyss just to scream
just for it to see me too
i want to really say something
i want your heart to pound
eyes to water
i want you to look over your shoulder at night when you’re alone, in the dark, and you hear a sound
i want you to feel
i want to feel
and it scares me
scares me that we are so disconnected
even though we’re all breathing the same air
beating the same blood through veins
screaming with the same lungs
touching with the same skin
this spider has us wrapped so tightly in her web
and it scares me
there’s nowhere for me to run
from this consciousness that causes so much scorched land
broken promises and forced agreeance
but if we can see it
the web
the trappings
the subtle paralytic wrapping and wrapping and wrapping
we are free
but i don’t know the words
and i’m afraid
(aren’t we all?)
that no one is listening anyway
memories
out of the darkness, they came
like lightning bolts of flame
we ran and ran, but lost our grip
beware, beware, that gradual slip
take one wrong turn, my dear
that’s all it takes, out there, in here
its not a choice, not conscious, at least
choose today, to ruin or feast
behind the door
where there’s a little magic
there’s a little more
and if you can find a single reason
you can find it behind a door
like a butterfly’s wing –
you can’t touch it
but if you keep looking
you’ll find a key to fit
it isn’t made of gold or glowing
but if you listen ever so closely
it will speak into your fear
in wails and whispers, mostly
but beware, listen carefully
and start at step one
or one day you’ll wake up
questioning what you’ve done
in a place you don’t know
with more questions than one
like, where is all your skin
and why are you holding a gun?
i’m rather raw
i’m learning and falling down and getting bruised on my way back up
but it’s okay for me to be naive
because i know i’m naive
and i’m just trying to find a way to live
without compromising my soul
without snuffing out another’s flame
without breaking to a point that i can’t put myself back together
i’m trying and i’m trying out new things
it’s extraordinarily uncomfortable and sometimes i can’t breathe
don’t want to breathe
too afraid to move
because i might have to notice how i truly feel
but i’m not staying down
or staying under the covers
because monsters live inside the places that i thought were safe
Daphne Shadows
