Stream of Consciousness

stop trying to find your purpose

instead, find yourSELF
then find the purpose you have currently

purpose, purpose, purpose
it’s bloody EVERYWHERE

and believe you me, i get it!
i have bipolar depression. not having purpose can kick up some scary questions, mind states, and thought processes.
but how can you find what you’re meant to do if you’re actively ignoring and/or out of touch with YOU?

one of my favorite phrases of all time is, “know thyself”.

many people dislike this phrase because it expects us to know ourselves in and out, they reason. which, if you’re a human being, you know is impossible. but i think that sort of thinking is akin to throwing the baby out with the bath water.
knowing yourself is a GOOD IDEA.
what triggers you? what pisses you off? what do you enjoy? love? hate? what brings a smile to your face? when do you know you’ll get impulsive? what are your weaknesses? strengths? desires? values? goals? plans? consistent behaviors and decisions?
when we’re upset, we tend to want to change or fix someone else. but often times, changing ourselves to grow into who we want to become, will give us a far richer life. one where we’re not so focused on, and magnifying, all of the things and emotions which upset us. those never go away, of course. but knowing yourself allows you to live from a more stable foundation. to actively reach for what you want with clarity of mind, body, and feeling.

but its fluid.
we are, after all, human.
who we are today will not be who we are next year. we are not who we were last january. we just aren’t.
change is a constant. whether we’re growing in a direction we want or not, is up to us.

so before you get caught up in feeling like a terrible person, a loser, an idiot, someone without ambition or know-how or a reason for existing… poke at who you are. poke at who you’re becoming. at what angers you. what fills you with joy. how you want to impact the world. how you want to better yourself and help others.

a funny thing happens.
it gets easier to choose what you want your purpose to be, or to recognize it.
and never forget, your purpose changes. just like you.

Stream of Consciousness

is social media a hamster wheel?

do you ever consider deleting all your social media?

facebook, twitter, instagram?

i wonder if there’s any point in it.

i mean, i’ve garnered some pretty freaking cool relationships because of it… but none of which would really be effected if i disappeared.

i mean, am i contributing anything good? PURPOSEFUL? helpful?

i don’t know, really.

human connection is such an infinite, finite, ever-changing and solid thing. it’s like trying to capture smoke in a bottle. did you really get it? or is everything simply a hamsters-running-in-a-wheel, situation? pointless and useless, but keeps you moving, feeling like you’re going somewhere?

i just don’t know.

is my footprint, simply there? or is it a positive influence that actually helps someone, anyone?

how many times can one blather on about their inner workings? (when the right mood hits, i can, for eons) and is it any use?

in this world of attacking someone for having a different favorite hairstyle than you and digging through years old tweets (leaving zero room for human growth or change, apparently) specifically for the purpose of smearing their name in the mud – am i more than a whisper? am i contributing? or am i simply fooling myself?

is it that when everyone has a megaphone, no one does? or is it truly that negativity always screams louder and most days, people search that out for the drama? meanwhile, the positivity is buried. buried, even, by all the mundane yammering of normalcy and humanness that is to be human?

and for all my speaking – am i saying anything worth hearing?

i. just. don’t. know.