Vulnerability

We are told not to show ourselves as vulnerable because it might make us easier targets. Easier to hurt, manipulate, catfish.
Oh well.
We are all already vulnerable.
The only other option is to close ourselves off and experience nothing joyful, connected, or worth living for.

Vulnerability is the only way we can truly enjoy our lives or become anyone worth becoming. Not to mention the only way to feel satisfied in life and our relationships.

We’re going to get hurt whether we’re allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable or not.

Emotionless is not how I want to live. Vulnerable sucks. I’m only kinda good at letting myself be vulnerable. But it’s worth it.

 

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Reality in the Dream Clouds

Back to reality.

Get your head out of the clouds.

Get a real job.

She’s out of your league.

Stop dreaming and start dealing with reality.

 

We hear things like this so often we could probably pay for a ticket to the moon if we got a dollar each time we heard it.

Reality.

It’s a problematic killjoy that often rubs the shiny off of every human being within a few years of double-digit birthdays.

 

But the reality is – there are people living lives they hate, doing jobs they hate, and settling for relationships they don’t actually enjoy.

And there are others living their dreams, beating every odd, in relationships we only hear about in storybooks, achieving everything they set their sights on.

THAT is the reality.

 

The reality is, dreams can come true.

Or life can suck.

But both ways of living are realistic. So why do we so readily believe that our dreams are ridiculous, unrealistic?

We’re here for a purpose. So live life on your terms. It’s your life. 

 

“Be strong in the moments where you want to be weak cause life itself is worth living for. If you are not living the life that you want, you fight for that life.”

Jensen Ackles

 

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Valentine’s Day Weirdness

Hiya!
I’m always curious about holidays and special occasions and where they came from. I always seem to find some pretty strange stuff and though today’s findings are pretty normal (if not sticker shock-inducing), I did find one strange tidbit.
So here are some random facts about Valentine’s Day and what people are doing with their money.

 

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This is how we spend money on Valentine’s Day…

$16.1 BILLION on chocolates
$10.7 BILLION on non-chocolate goodies
and
$6.5 BILLION on jewelry …. and silverware

What’s up with the silverware???

 

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In the Middle Ages, people in romantic relationships would recite poetry to one another.
Handmade valentines showed up in the sixteenth century.
Mass produced cards reared their heads in the nineteenth century.

 

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In 2018 – and this is just February alone, we spent:

$158.5 million were spent importing bouquets of flowers
$92.7 million was spent on roses and buds only

 

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That’s a lot of chocolate and flowers. But why on earth buy silverware on Valentine’s day? Am I missing something?
I know it’s a bit old fashioned, but I love it when people bring home flowers or the oddball little-personalized thing throughout the year, for no reason.
I feel it shows appreciation and love for someone – regardless of what kind of relationship it is.

I hope we can get back to sprinkling Valentine’s Day with some of that genuine spark as well. Instead of just grabbing a card, signing it, and expecting your significant other to throw on lingerie for you, why not try something that shows how much you actually love them? We’re a society filled with underappreciated people. Don’t let your relationship become automated and dry. That’s how they die.

And on that depressing note, I hope you guys and gals had a really nice Valentine’s Day yesterday!
Regardless of whether you’re single or not. It’s a day to celebrate love. And romance is not the only kind of love.

 

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SOURCES
https://www.census.gov/newsroom/stories/2018/valentines.html
https://www.loc.gov/item/today-in-history/february-14/?#
https://www2.census.gov/programs-surveys/sis/resources/valentines-day-ff.pdf

Would You Stay With a Cheater?

There is one opinion held by many people, widely accepted, which makes me want to blow people’s houses up. Okay, not really, but I swear I turned green a few times.

This opinion hurts people, worse than they’ve already been hurt.

 

What is this opinion?

When someone cheats on you, someone you love, someone you’re in a serious relationship with, the consensus is this;

“You should stay. Don’t be weak. Work it out. Leaving is the easy way out.”

ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME?!

*turns green* *fumes* *smashes things*

 

Um, no.

Leaving is not weakness.

Staying is the easy way out.

Why?

 

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Reasons Staying is the Easy Way Out

 

ONE

Your relationship will never be the same again. Period. End of story. You KNOW this already, but you’re denying it to yourself and nodding along as your friends tell you things will work themselves out, or you guys can work this out.

Your gut is telling you that this is wrong. But the world is telling you not to ‘give up on him/her’, not to ‘be so weak’, ‘it happens’, etc.

Have the strength to believe in yourself, your feelings, your needs and wants.

 

TWO

If they cheated on you once, they will most likely do it again. I know, I know, everyone says this.

But think about it. Why did he/she cheat on you? It normally isn’t a big issue, like you ignoring them for years and years.

The reason is normally more shallow or spur of the moment. In short, dude or dudette has issues they need to work on. Issues don’t go POOF and never bother you again. They take years to get worked out. And if you stay with said person with issues for years, even if they’re getting their issues worked out? They’ll most likely cheat on you again.

Now, even if you are the couple where the cheater finds solace in another’s arms because their partner has ignored them into alienation and/or neglect? What kind of loving person could ignore you for years, putting you and your feelings and needs aside?  Do they really love you that much? Do they care? I don’t think so.

 

THREE

You will always wonder. If you stay with someone who has cheated on you once, there will always be that sense of foreboding or wonder. Will they do it again? There cannot be trust in a relationship if you’re wondering why your spouse is home late. And this normally leads to a negative, bitter hatred of self and your partner.

 

FOUR

You’re afraid. Leaving is hard. You’ve spent a lot of time on this person, on this relationship. You’d have to start over. Maybe a new job, new house. With no one there to support you. It will be a lot of hard work, a lot of unknown. Where will your life go? What will you do?

 

FIVE

If you have children, you’re teaching them that cheating is acceptable if you stay. And that opens a whole ball of wax you don’t want to touch. Like, who will your children grow up to be, believing it is all right to cheat on the person you say you love? And if you think they don’t know – you’re insulting them.

 

SIX

If you stay with a cheater, you will constantly wonder about your self worth and your decision making skills. Second guessing yourself because there is no harmony or trust. You have no solid ground.

 

SEVEN

You have to convince yourself you’re not a failure. And that’s hard. Failure isn’t failure in this case. You believe leaving your relationship, giving up on it, is bailing or ditching, or failing. It is not. Staying with someone who doesn’t treat your with respect is failure. Settling with what you have, is failure.

 

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This person made the choice to cheat. It wasn’t an accident. Not oops or sorry. It wasn’t something they were forced into.

They made the decision to cheat on you.

Knowing it would hurt you.

Honestly, if you stay – it doesn’t make any sense. If this person will hurt you on purpose, you’re not in a relationship. And it certainly isn’t love, real love.

This person will not respect, honor or sacrifice for you.

 

Don’t settle. Consider your value, your self worth, self respect. What do you want? Do you honestly want what you have? Take a look at your life, at your relationship, a good hard look. And answer that. Truly.

You deserve better. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve.

 

Look at it this way. If your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé,etc truly loved you, they wouldn’t cheat on you. Love is selfless. Instant gratification isn’t on the list.

I asked my family what they would do if someone cheated on them and I had an instant uproar of painful sounding revenge, and once we got serious, they all brought up valid points. I’m going to use “he” to keep things simple. This was their serious, non cutting body parts (*cough cough* Holly) answer:

“He made a promise to me that I was the one he wanted, he was going to love me forever. So if he cheats on me, he doesn’t deserve me.”

 

This discussion always bodes the question:

How can you stop being someone who you have loved for so long?

Better question:

How can you stay with someone who doesn’t truly love you?

 

So, answer me this…

Would you stay with a cheater?

Why or why not?

 

 

*note: this post was not written to put anyone down or trash anyone who has stayed with a cheater. This is simply me telling you, that in my opinion, you deserve all the happiness possible. Please keep in mind that I do not think anyone who has stayed with a cheater is a moron. It is your choice.*