Stream of Consciousness

the words

i have more words

i just don’t know what they are yet

 

and i don’t want to scream into the abyss just to scream

just for it to see me too

i want to really say something

i want your heart to pound

eyes to water

 

i want you to look over your shoulder at night when you’re alone, in the dark, and you hear a sound

i want you to feel

i want to feel

 

and it scares me

scares me that we are so disconnected

even though we’re all breathing the same air

beating the same blood through veins

screaming with the same lungs

touching with the same skin

 

this spider has us wrapped so tightly in her web

and it scares me

there’s nowhere for me to run

from this consciousness that causes so much scorched land

broken promises and forced agreeance

 

but if we can see it

the web

the trappings

the subtle paralytic wrapping and wrapping and wrapping

we are free

 

but i don’t know the words

and i’m afraid

(aren’t we all?)

that no one is listening anyway

 

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Stream of Consciousness

unspoken rule

there’s this unspoken rule that we follow to the letter

don’t talk about it

don’t poke at it

pretend it isn’t true

 

but it is

we all want to be seen

heard

known for who we truly are

and appreciated, loved, respected

 

we want the right someone to see us

the right niche

we all want to belong, somewhere, with someone

 

but we pretend it isn’t true

because it’s embarrassing

or makes us sound selfish

juvenile

wanting “attention”

 

but it isn’t like that

you know that

i know that

 

we want another to look in our direction

and value what we have to offer

as a human

 

for people to stand around our grave when we’re gone

our funeral procession

to be proof that we mattered to somebody

 

but more than that

we want someone to tell us while we’re alive

and mean it

 

am i naive to believe that life wouldn’t hurt so much if we didn’t hurt each other?

if we truly took a moment, got out of our heads, and saw each other?

truly heard one another?

am i naive to believe that being honest

would make us stronger?

 

i guess i’ll start

by growing thicker skin

because the truth of the matter is

a lot of people don’t see you

they see who they want you to be

and then get upset when you’re not that person

but that’s a discussion for another day

 

i guess i’ll start

by saying, yeah, i want to be seen

not at the cost of my soul

but for who i am

i want to belong

don’t you?

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