Day 6: Fear – Stress, Depression, and Hypomania

I am going to stop posting my vlogs every day. Since this is an everyday thing, I’m going to begin posting twice a week, with the newest videos. I don’t want to overload you guys with an email every freaking day during this 30-day challenge. If you want it day to day, subscribe to my youtube channel.

Let me know what you think about this. It’s your inbox.

Plus this gives me room to do my once a week post.

 

The purpose is… what fears are we allowing to hold us back from achieving our dreams, living our lives fully and authentically, or contributing to the lives around us?

This is part of a 30-day challenge where I will record myself telling you something I’m afraid of, something I’m afraid for people to know, or tell you about something that I did that I was afraid to do that day.

I challenge you to do the same.


 

DAY SIX

 

The stress, the anxiety, the panic attacks… those things I can work toward changing. But hypomania? That’s because I’m bipolar. That’s not something that I can meditate or walk away. And I keep trying to pretend that I don’t have legitimate health issues that I can’t change, and it’s making me miserable.

Does anyone else struggle with this? Anything like this? Anyone have any wisdom to impart?

 

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Walking In Circles

I have no idea what to blog on this week.

I don’t even know what’s going on inside my own head.

Do you ever get that way?

Kind of blank inside….

I think maybe I’m just on overload, if that makes any sense.

 

So what’s on my mind?

…..

..

.

Yeah…. this is going nowhere.

 

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Do you ever feel stuck? Like you’re walking around in circles, retracing the same steps that led you nowhere in particular?

Ugh.

That’s me right now.

I could use some divine intervention.

 

And even once you realize you’re walking in circles, you then have to figure out WHAT it is that you’re doing wrong, WHAT it is that you need to do to change, and HOW you’re going to accomplish that.

I think right now I’m in between those two. The circle walking and the planning/changing.

I’m in the exhausted category. Sitting there, blinking at everything going on, and wondering why the kitchen is so far away from my chair.

 

Humans are so strange. Why does it take us forever to realize something isn’t right? I mean, how many times do you have to club yourself over the head before you realize you’re holding a club???

Anywho – I’m a zombie.

Except I don’t have the energy to eat brains. Or even chase my food in the first place.

So I’m going to die of starvation.

Maybe I’m a vegetarian zombie – just apply chocolate.

 

Do you ever realize you’re walking in circles? Figure out the needed change and simultaneously feel like you got run over?

Hotel Hell #6 – Not a Snowball’s Chance in Hell

This Month’s Recap: we were given a week to get out of Hotel Hell, we called tons of people but were turned down even though we have no money. Down to four days to get out and a miracle struck. We secured the next two months and told everyone we were safe. People started rolling their eyes and insinuating we freaked out for attention. I got a little opposite of happy.

I made use of my flamethrower. =D

We didn’t know we’d be able to stay. We thought we’d be out on our butts and we were one dilemma away from a nervous breakdown. If you think we’re being ridiculous, answer me this question. When was the last time you thought life was leaving you without a place to live? Better yet – when was the last time it happened four times in a row and all anyone did was roll their eyes and call you drama queen? The threat of being kicked out of a bad situation and abandoned to a worse one is real for us. So pardon me for being worried.

Mini rant over.

 

On another note, I have every adult’s worst fear in a single picture. Observe:

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We were down at the dollar store, went to pay for something but our card was mysteriously denied. Hmmmm… checked the balance and almost fell over.

Our balance was NEGATIVE eighty thousand dollars?! Ha, ha. Did someone mention heart failure? It turned out there was something wrong with the fafsa’s online controls and everything was fine the next day.  But really? I think the bad luck fairy likes us. Too much. I think she gets a raise if we have a heart attack before we die.

 

Last Hotel Hell post, I told you our refrigerator door fell off. Well, this month it died. Not the door – we duct taped that – but the entire refrigerator died.  And all our food went bad. So now we have to keep everything shoved to the back of the fridge where it stays relatively cool, and move the milk back and forth between the freezer and fridge so it doesn’t go bad.

 

Oh! Oh! And, in denial to the claims that all I ever eat is chocolate (*cough *cough) I have taken a picture of my lunch! Whatcha got now?

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Ha ha! See, I told you I mostly, sometimes balance out my diet. Really. Sort of. When I’m not eating chocolate, I’m eating  healthy, ok? Or at least 80% healthy.

If there’s one thing that I cannot wait to have money to be able to do, it’s try different foods. I love food. 😀

 

Mum dropped her phone in her chocolate milk. And I’M the clumsy one?

 

The shop beneath us locked their wifi, so we’d need their network key to use it. Sooooo, we bought a monthly wireless internet plan and hooked it up (because we don’t have a phone jack in our room). And it didn’t work. Apparently someone hit the tower in our town and it’s going to be down for up to three days.

See? Bad luck fairy strikes again.

 

ROAD TRIP

We went on a road trip sometime in May, or June, or July… Okay, one of those but I don’t remember which. Or maybe it was the beginning of August. I don’t remember. Regardless, we took a road trip.

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L to R; Dylan, Holly, Tannis

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We burrowed someone’s car, since our truck eats gas like skittles, and drove four hours with Lucky in the backseat and drove each other crazy. Just kidding, we didn’t kill each other. It was a surprisingly relaxed day. Okay, so it wasn’t relaxed but we weren’t at each other’s throats with a pick axe, so it was a good day.

Whatever the case, I think the fresh air did Dylan some good.  Right up until he started glowing.

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Holly and Lucky had some bonding time. A couple of adorable Do Do Birds, aren’t they?

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I met an awesome crow, who had quite a lot to say. I’ll definitely be thinking of a way to include him in a future post – I got some hilarious photos of him.

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On the drive home, I took more pictures than I can count, but I especially like the bells lining the road. Why? I don’t know. I just do. Deal with it. 😉

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This one spoke words to me. No really, it’s telepathic.

I THINK the bells line the path the padres used to walk from mission to mission. But I could be wrong about that, as I don’t have Google to Google anything right now, I could be 100% wrong.

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Oh, and I put my hand in a bag full of maggots. Just had to share that. Yuck (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

 

Be not afraid, blog-o-spherians. No bad luck fairy is going to keep me from you. Not a snowball’s chance in Hell.

 

Do you like crows? Are you clumsy? Do you know what those bells are? Is the Bad Luck Fairy infatuated with you?

Hotel Hell #4

(sing dramatically…)

On the second month of Hotel Hell,

My strange fate gave to me…

Blue fuzzy slippers,

Our vehicle broke down,

And mum got laid off.

 

Month 2: January 2013

I can only guess out of his sanity challenged state, Lucky adopted some fuzzy children. Plush suits him, don’t you think? The munchkins now have a cuddle bunny guardian, which they think is adorable as well as the rest of us.

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Continue reading “Hotel Hell #4”

Hotel Hell #3

To continue my chronicling of my time spent in Hotel Hell, we’ll finish the last two weeks of December 2012. We’re catching up before getting to the here and now because I hadn’t really decided if I wanted to write about my time spent here while I remained or if I wanted to wait until we had moved. Week 3 decided that for me.

WEEK 3

  • (Okay, so technically, I’m predating week 3, but so be it.) A few days before we were to move into our new apartment (YAY!!!), the manager called and told us we could not move in.

Why?

Because we have an eviction on our record and monies owed showing accordingly. This means no one would rent to us.

We didn’t take this news well. We had thought we’d be out of this small room to rent at the end of two weeks. We had even packed accordingly. 2 weeks worth of clothing and needs.

  • The muscles in my neck got stuck on the left side and I had to go to the chiropractor for an emergency adjustment. I couldn’t move my neck and the pain was constant. Really freaking annoying!

After being adjusted and being able to think, we realized that the mattress we’d been sleeping on was not healthy for us. It felt like a giant had slept on it for half a millennium. Not comfy.

Soooooo, we got my mattress out of storage.

Then we realized that the room itself leans inward. Imagine a large “U” shape. Both sides of the “U” curve in at the bottom so that the floors are leaning into the middle, giving us quite the predicament.

A few weeks later a friend was kind enough to saw off a few wooden beams and situate them between our beds so that we could sleep comfortably. Major improvement!

However, the room still (obviously) leans.

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Lucky didn’t seem to notice either way. He was, however getting a little peeved that he couldn’t run around like a banshee.

Continue reading “Hotel Hell #3”