Stream of Consciousness

Stop Asking Why – We Already Know

You want to know why.

You make fun.

Make jokes.

Demean.

 

I think it’s because we know the “dream” isn’t real.

We’ve been told there’s no hope.

Don’t follow your dreams. Get a good, solid job that will pay the bills.

Don’t even bother trying to do anything you enjoy. It won’t happen. Following your dreams, working toward making them a reality, that will end you up alone, living in the gutter, and dead as a no one, with no one at your funeral.

We’re told that in order to survive (have money for college, have a place to live, have the support we need to have a chance at surviving at this life) we need our parents’ financial support. And more and more I’m seeing that parents use this to berate, manipulate, and abuse their children. But their children can’t do anything but what their parents’ desire or else. Or else no money for college. No place to live. No way to live.

We’re told by society that there is no way we can find a life we want. There is no way that we can attain the body we want, the job we want, the relationship we want. We’re told there is no healthy relationship, no enjoyable job that also pays the bills, no way to enjoy food and not be fatter than a Wall-E person (kid’s movie, google the humans at the end if you don’t know what I mean).

 

I know that I can only know what I’ve experienced. I only have the information from the lives within my world and the life I’ve lived. But how can I know so many people of all ages, genders, beliefs, social classes, etc., and we’ve all had the same experiences?

I’m not bashing on any one people or generation. I’m saying, look around. We’re not falling apart at the seams. We’re tearing each other apart and if anyone says anything, oh, they’re being dramatic. Cue eye roll.

 

We’re not people-ing right, people.

We’re taking brand new babies, grabbing a megaphone, and screaming into their faces that there is no point to life – get a job you can use to survive, and don’t expect to not be stressing over having enough money to survive.

We’re brainwashing each other that life sucks and that’s just how it is.

“Those” people – you know, the ones who went for their “unrealistic” dreams and took the risks of following their dreams and are now living quite happily – they only happen every once in a while, and we’re not good enough to ever attain that. So don’t bother trying. You will fail.

 

We ask why there are so many people living in their mothers’ basements, playing video games and refusing to get a job and deal with life.

We ask why there are so many grown adults living with family.

We ask why there are so many men and women who spend every dollar on distractions.

 

Because we’ve been told we can never have a fulfilling, healthy, joyful life filled with meaningful relationships and times of peace. Instead, we’re told…

Everyone has the right to our every moment (we had better answer our phone immediately).

Everyone is better than us.

Work is the only point of life (so don’t bother trying to have a life – just work, and never expect to get paid enough to do much more than struggle not to drown).

Love hurts, settle for whoever will put up with you.

You can’t change. Don’t bother trying. It doesn’t matter that you want to grow and become – you’re who you are and can never gain skills or successes.

Life sucks. Don’t fight it.

 

Can we stop asking why so many people are sleep walking through life and committing suicide.

Can we stop making fun of people for having mental health issues, employment issues, for living with family, for trying to escape the life they’ve been told will never amount to anything and will always 100% only hurt.

Can we START treating each other with respect, dignity, and compassion?

Can we START lifting others up, filling them with the strength to create the lives they want to live?

Can we START influencing people to tap into the potential they have lying dormant within themselves?

Can we START valuing people and dreams and belief?

Can we START making life worth living?

 

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Stream of Consciousness

Purpose

There’s this woman.

 

Years ago, she had a random, odd fall. In her early twenties and now paralyzed, she ended up with back surgery. Then relearning how to walk, how to move her hands. Years away from her family.

Once she was strong enough to go about her day by day on her own, she had to deal with chronic pain.

She bemoaned this, wondering what she’d done wrong. She didn’t give up hope or faith, but she did wonder… What is the purpose of this? What did she have to learn from this? What good came of it?

 

More than ten years later, popping Advil every day to keep the pain at bay, this woman went suddenly blind.

She then had a stroke.

A rare and newly discovered blood disease had caused her body to create blood clots at random. Thusly causing a stroke.

If it were not for the blood thinning Advil she’d been taking for her chronic back pain, she would’ve died years before, leaving behind a husband, multiple children, and a life she never got to live.

 

There is a purpose for everything.

Not shrinking from the trials we’re presented with (not running, retreating, recoiling, hiding, without becoming bitter)…. it’s more important than surviving.

That’s what this gal has taught me.

 

Stream of Consciousness

Scavenger

I saw a movie recently. I’m not going to tell you which movie, as that has nothing to do with this post. What does have something to do with this post, is that the main character was a scavenger and every time someone commented on that, they used the word ‘scavenger’ as if it were dirty (the despicable kind of dirty). As if she went about eating people’s unborn babies, ripping them right out of pregnant ladies’ wombs.

This struck me as odd as I sat there in the dark and watched the movie. (and stuffed my face full of nachos)

Yes, there are bad scavengers. But just like everything else on planet earth, I think there are good scavengers.

I think, as usual, we only see it in a gross light.

I have a healthy respect for some sorts of scavengers. I see them in a different light. I suppose I see the word as defined differently too then.

 

Sometimes scavengers are the only ones who survived the abuse, the chaos, the pain, the wars. Plucking almost rotted food and lost hopes from the fingers of corpses as they make their way down the deserted roads, cloaked in darkness of night and certainty that something, somewhere, at some time is going to turn their life around. Or rather, they’re going to be there at the right time and change their lives themselves.

I see scavengers as sometimes empty and simply trying to survive.

I see creatures that feed off dried blood and who have ebony wings and pluck at dead people’s eyes before flying off, cawing at whoever gets close.

 

I am a horror and fantasy writer.

And I live in a different world than a lot of others around me, I’m finding.

It gives me something a little darker and something a little brighter. And that has nothing to do with being a writer.

 

I see a scavenger as the forgotten, the lost, those who walk along the rims of awareness, barely there to most. They live in fear of death, they live in fear of life.

Someone left to themselves, fumbling in the dark with no memory, tugging at the strands of fate, begging their own soul to shake lose something of use.

I feel like a scavenger. Picking at the pieces of a life I could have but hold myself back from.

Because…

Because it takes a while for your eyes to adjust to the light after you’ve lived in darkness.

 

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