Stream of Consciousness

Moody Interlude

Why do we do it?

Why do we do things we know will hurt ourselves, over and over and over again?

 

That’s it. That’s all I’ve got today.

*collapses on her couch and screams into a pillow*

Stream of Consciousness

Bad Habit

I get overwhelmed.

Overstimulated.

 

Then I lose myself.

To a jumble of masquerading shades and low vibrational, angry, shouts and growls clawing at me from the inside out until I can barely remember how to breathe.

I hide inside myself before my brain even realizes what’s going on.

It’s a habit.

 

It helps the pain win.

Pushes along the absurd idea that this is never going to end. I will never find a way out.

I will never be good enough.

Strong enough.

 

It’s a bad habit.

A learned behavior.

Conditioned behavior.

A symptom.

Side effect.

Take your pick.

 

This isn’t always the ‘why’ behind me going quiet.

This time it was.