You know how I started this blog years ago, talking about the story I was working on?
And then I stopped writing that one, began writing a new one, then gave up on that one too?
I’ve become tired of being a writer who gives no stories. So I started writing a story and I’m going to release it chapter by chapter on YouTube.
I’m hoping this constant commitment to keep writing something I’m having a lot of fun with, and hopefully getting feedback as I go, will get me to fight off the depression and anxiety and get on a regular basis of writing.
Plus I’m excited to see what you think.
Here’s what the story is about:
Numi is a storyteller living in a town with a secret. She doesn’t know that though. All she knows is it’s been a shoddy week. When her mother dies, a restless spirit begins tormenting her and Numi’s home is broken into. Numi has to wonder, did the ceremony to bind her mother to the other side work? If not, did it let something into the world of the living? She has no idea of the struggle between evil and, well, better that now depends on her finding answers. Maybe Numi will need to do more than find answers…
I threw that blurb together while uploading the video, so I will probably change it around as we go.
I got the idea after putting up part one of a bedtime story that I whispered for ASMR purposes.
I’m messing around with the idea of releasing a written version to my $3/month patreon patrons. I dunno.
And in case you’re wondering what the title of the story is, I welcome you to listen to, “Numi of Nysius”.
Let me know what you think. Good beginning to a story?
We all know I’ve been having a hard time getting to my writing.
Whether its depression, anxiety, sleep deprivation causing hallucinations, or inability to justify to myself working on writing stories when I have no money due to being unemployed once again… It’s been an uphill battle to get to a point where I am writing more than a few days out of the month.
So I’ve begun creating a whispered bedtime story on my YouTube channel, in hopes of keeping my creativity fed and breeding.
The first installment was pretty good for coming up with a story on the spot and then immediately posting it for the world to see. Or, hear, rather.
But life kicked me where it really hurt and the second part of the story suffered from exhaustion.
What I’d LOVE to have happen is for you to become my patron and spitball ideas with me on how to proceed with part 3 of the story. You throw me ideas and we’ll pick them apart together and you just might spark my exhaustion into early retirement.
Let me know what you think should happen next, what creatures you’d enjoy joining the cast, and what you’d like Loska to do about her craving for a certain prize the djinn require from her.
Become my patron and let me know. 😍 I’m excited to see what we can create together!
Don’t worry, becoming my patron doesn’t cost an arm, leg, or your unborn first child. 😀
Becoming my patron means you’ll be helping me keep creating in a world that doesn’t think creative types should be paid for their contributions to planet earth. It literally can be as little as $3 a month. Literally.
There are 4 different ways to become my patron. Become my Cohort in Crazy, my Messy Mystery Mate, Beta Buddy, or Pal Beyond the Pale. For more info on each option of becoming my patron – and all the perks that come with it – click the following link.
And if this isn’t your thing, no worries. Stay tuned for the next episode of my bedtime story. (And if that’s not your thing, then don’t worry about any of this. 😊 Continue on being awesome.)
Don’t worry, it’s not the first time that I’ve dreamt I was a dude. The first time that happened, I was Will Smith.
Which is weird, considering I like being a chick.
Perhaps it’s a writerly thing.
Anywho… back to me being Loki.
The entire human species was on a living ship in the depths of the ocean. I say ship and not submarine because somehow it was a bloody ship and we weren’t covered in water even though we were submerged in it.
It’s a dream. Run with me here.
Something was causing a huge hole in the bottom of the ship, which was allowing water to actually get into it. Or onto it. Whatever. Hole in the bottom – death by drowning looming on the human race.
Loki (me) was trying to help Captain America and Thor fix the issue. In the beginning of the dream Loki was a bad guy but by this point he (me) is an anti-hero. So, a good guy. Trying to save all the people.
Glad you’re all caught up. Moving on.
Then my grandma is in the dream, and she’s in one of the bottom levels of the ship (it has loads of levels, because you know, entire population of world stuffed in there) and her dog (she doesn’t have one in real life) is dying. She was above her sleeping area in another level at the time of the hole being created and escaped with a lot of others.
She called me (Loki) to save her dying dog. (I think he was dying of old age.)
Loki gets to the dog but then my grandma, still on the phone (because apparently cell reception in the middle of the ocean in a ship that doesn’t let in water while being fully submerged, is great!) decides she doesn’t want me to risk my life by trying to get her dog, since her dog is dying soon anyway. I, Loki, was like, just because your sweet little fluff-ball of a dog is going to die, doesn’t mean his remaining life doesn’t matter. And he shouldn’t die alone. So Loki saves the dog.
Then the dream does dream like stuff and skips ahead. I’m still Loki but now we know that the hole in the huge ship was caused by The Villain of this dream – and now we know who that is.
Captain America and Thor try to fight off the Villain in an end-of-the-movie-like-showdown.
Human lives hanging in the balance. *drama*
Captain America and Thor are fighting against the Villain and they get thrown to the ground in dramatic movie fashion after hitting each other really hard.
*rolls eyes* This is in my subconscious, don’t forget.
Then the Villain isn’t the Villain anymore.
The Villain is Loki, lying there all beat up and disillusioned.
It becomes apparent to me (in the way dreams just let you “suddenly know” things because it’s in your own bloody head) that Loki and the Villain share the same body. Two different beings, one body. And Loki didn’t know this until just now. Neither did anyone else.
Captain America looks at Thor. “Two beings in one body. That’s a problem.”
Or something like that. It sounded cooler in my dream.
They both look at Loki, who says, “You know the only way to kill him is to kill me.”
And you know what the sad thing is?
Captain America and Thor don’t even try to figure something out. They just nod at one another, then Loki, and walk forward with the intent to kill him. And Loki just sits there.
Then I woke up.
You know what the actual sad part of this is?
I realized I’m not just Loki in this dream. I’m Captain America and Thor too.
Because I am always the one to give up on me. I never stand up for myself or my dreams. I never say, “wait, we can figure this out so I can live too”. I never try to be my own friend or protector. Never try to understand or help out or wait for.
I am always trying to pretend it is outside forces that keep me from writing or exercising or making the changes I want to make and becoming the person I dream of being.
But it’s not.
I’m pointing at Captain America and Thor – but it’s me, Loki.
Just sitting there. Knowing I will give up on myself and just waiting to die some more inside.
My being Loki was interesting to me.
Loki and the Villain in one body. That’s a whole can of worms for me. Yes, I’m my own worst enemy, but it goes further than that for me. Yes, I am bipolar and at odds with myself, and moody, but still. More to it.
But you’d have to understand my relationship with the character Loki before knowing all the meaning the dream holds for me.
I’ve liked Loki the Trickster long before the Marvel movies. I love mythology and tricksters just kinda do it for me. Plus Loki in the recent movies was unloved and treated poorly, then became evil and terrible as a coping mechanism. There’s a whole list of reasons Loki is relatable to me. (Not that I plan on becoming arrogant and murderous.)
I also particularly like Captain America because he always does the right thing, whether that means standing alone or not. No clue why Thor was in there. Not that I don’t like him. There are loads of heroes and versions and mythologies and let’s not get into that because it would be never ending. I just love superheroes and mythology.
I’m certain there are tons of interpretations behind this dream.
I figured if I wrote it out for all to see, I’d think about it more, instead of ignore it. Because ignoring myself is something I do FABULOUSLY.
But I’m hearing from many sources – including psychology sources – that dreams are a lot more our brain and a lot less wishy washy things to be ignored. So if my subconscious is trying to tell me something, I’m trying to listen. This week anyway.
Just so you know – I don’t think it comes across in this post – I actually really enjoyed the dream. And I woke up in a good mood. Its like a symbolic, mythological, superhero, metaphorical map of my subconscious.
What do you guys think my dream means?
Had any interesting dreams lately?
Obsessed with mythology?
(As for my grandma appearing in my dream, that’s personal.)