Stream of Consciousness

Write What You Want

…. yeaaaaaaah…

 

Okay, I know, I know.

That’s my problem.

I’ve been writing for others for so long that I forgot how to spin a story from my own mind.

And now that I actually want to write for me

I don’t know what story I want to tell.

I could literally write anything. About a pear that hitched a ride with an outer space alien and robbed a liquor store. Only, turns out that outer space alien had been living in pear’s backyard as a stalker for seven years, isn’t an alien, and definitely kidnapped a real alien in order to steal it’s intelligence and technology. And who knows what the fake alien wants with pear.

But do I care?

No.

Let me tell you, no, I do not care.

 

And I don’t know what I want to write.

I don’t know what stories I care about now.

 

Interesting thing is

this doesn’t bother me.

It’s a stepping off point.

A cliff that isn’t actually a cliff.

It’s a new beginning.

A blank page.

I get to do whatever I want with it.

 

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Micro Stories

fleshing it out

i can feel it, swarming just beneath the surface of everything i am and everything i am not. it lurks in a non-committal tone, hazy and misdirecting. there isn’t much to say about it.

it hasn’t yet decided syllables or meaning. context or form.

but it watches. it swims closer as if to break the surface, only to dip back down in a meandering swirl, nothing but the vague tail end brushing up against the topside, sending ripples of possibilities down my spine. sitting on the tip of my tongue, in the curve of my lips.

it won’t leave me alone, yet i cannot name it. it slips through my fingers like so much smoke, a dizzying tease that drifts into

 

sometimes i realize i’m the one staring up, up, up at the sun’s dance as it shimmers atop the waves above my head. waving frantically for my attention, choking on lost words and hopes, dreams i’ve forgotten and silly little stories i can’t quite let go of.

other times i find out too late what it was trying to tell me, only to be sucked into the depths of an unfathomable creature, ten times the size of myself. smothered in the debris of what could have been.

 

and yet, there are times…

there are times that we meet in the middle and i can begin to make it out, my eyes opened, the ever shifting shape coming into focus. i reach my hand out and

all is right

i live for those times

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Micro Stories

naked sky

there’s a hollow, past what is known.

you took me there. we danced with the flames, shimmering darkness cloaking us from the whisperings of the trees. the wind howled its sorrow and we fed it tears, embracing the brilliancy of knowing what if feels like to be alive.

drums played deep beneath the ground, reverberating through my chest, blinding me to what held me back. the death of what came before fueled our heels, hitting the ground to the sound of our hearts.

they sent their hounds into the maddening circle of treachery, trying to sniff us out, drag us back. we turned them, opening them up to the truth. they sang with the thunder and ran with us through rainstorms, no owner to tame their souls.

the creek rushed up to meet our waists. the pebbles drew us deeper, deeper, until we spread our wings and let the waves carry us into the hollow where day break licked the water droplets from our skin. slipping into a warm slumber, the sky danced behind our eyelids.

we awoke to silence. it told us everything.

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Stream of Consciousness

hope

I’m not sure I have a voice.

You see, there’s a slumbering trembling that takes a step into something warm and inviting, like the sun, but with training wheels.

And every time the light of day hits it, someone comes along with a sledgehammer and takes it all away.

I keep lying there, catching my breath. Before sitting back up, playing with my fingers in the sand, writing maps no one understands but me.

It’s lonely.

But I can still feel the pulse of it in me, thrumming into a hurricane of neediness, ready to explode and take everything in its path with it. Down into this desert of warmth and cool breezes and nothing that really belongs in these flat lands.

Do you remember the first time you felt the sun’s heat on your flesh? I think I must’ve had a hand over my mouth, but it wasn’t mine. I think I must’ve had some words fall out, but they came from another tongue.

So I grab my shoes and shake the dust out and, what do you know?, I’m still entirely ready to get the wind knocked out of me by hope.

Stream of Consciousness

Three Twisted Tales

So, I have three stories going on right now.

Two are bedtime stories I’m telling ASMR style on my YouTube channel, which you can listen to for free. So far I’ve released the first two chapters of ONE story. (You’re getting the inside scoop on the second, as I haven’t uploaded any chapters yet on YouTube.)

The third is a novel I plan on writing, querying on, and getting published.

 

Here are each story’s basics…

 

ASMR Bedtime Story: Lorelai Wakes

I have 2 chapters of this story on my YouTube channel so far.

Lorelai is an Ancient One, bespelled into believing she works a day job and goes about her life like any regular human being. Until she gives into the ocean’s call and, bleeding to death, is woken by sirens, only to find her memories and identity have been stripped from her. The only thing she remembers is her name and a war between humans and preternatural creatures that happened long ago. A war the preters lost.

 

ASMR Bedtime Story: Luna Baku

I haven’t released any chapters of this story yet.

Luna isn’t human. No one knows what she is, really. But when humans need help in a world where nightmares can be dreamed into reality, Luna – with the help of her little black cat Gypsy, and large black dog Merlin – is who they turn to. 

 

Fool’s Justice

I plotted the entire timeline of this novel and finished writing the first two chapters before last year’s end.

Vada and Valentine, yokai outcasts, take a job to rid a man of the djinn haunting his house. Now Vada is haunted and something is killing pregnant women in their sleep.

 

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Stream of Consciousness

State of Shadowy Affairs

I deleted my Instagram account.

I’ve been spreading myself too thin. With my blog, twitter, my ASMR YouTube channel, new YouTube channel, writing my novel, writing bedtime stories for my ASMR channel, working, handling my increasingly messed up health, and then – you know, life….

Too much.

I don’t like repeating myself across social media platforms because I feel like that’s fake or pointless. I like to share honestly regardless of where I’m at. And finding a way to be me across that many platforms is not doable for me. It’s made it hard for me to post at all, anywhere. Especially since no one site will show a true depiction of all of me, considering I don’t want to be repetitive.

So I cut down and thought I’d take the moment to share what I’m up to…

 

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This Blog

I don’t spend enough time here. I haven’t gotten to do any fun research posts lately because I’m so spread thin.

Gonna have to fix that!

Plus you guys kinda have no clue what’s going on in my life lately. Since this is my blog and all about human connection, that doesn’t really make sense to me. So I’m going to have to remedy that too.

 

ASMR YouTube Channel

I posted my first ASMR video on January 18th, 2019. For those of you scratching your head and wondering what on earth ASMR is….

ASMR is weird. Flat out strange. I do ASMR and I love it but I recognize that it’s legit so weird! It is a bunch of people doing weird things, using odd objects to make sounds on and around microphones.

ASMR stands for “autonomous sensory meridian response”. Think ocean waves, the sound of someone’s soothing voice lulling you to sleep, a subtle and calming white noise, or birds chirping off in the distance. ASMR is like the satisfaction of having your hairdresser massage your scalp or playing with a Zen garden. The “happy little trees” painter Bob Ross is often considered ASMR.

Some people experience a pleasant tingling sensation in their scalp, neck, and down their spine. (That’s why a lot of ASMR videos talk about “tingles”.) Others don’t. Some people just find it highly relaxing or use it as background noise to help them focus. Different people like different sounds and/or visuals. You will often hear these referred to as “triggers”.

You can find my ASMR channel here:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTsKcCRmmrImwt8soT1SRFg?view_as=public

 

New YouTube Channel

I started this channel and actually started using it, like, last week. The point is to talk about things, whatever things I feel like talking about. It’s going to be busting with loads of different types of stuffs.

Sometimes I just want to talk to you guys in a video.

You can find this new channel here:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTC53mhzwfRmk5WY1O2p0fA

 

Twitter

I haven’t been on twitter in eons. I really want to get on there and be me way more often. I don’t know why, but I tend to be hesitant to say what I’m thinking 100% on there. I think it might be because of how political it can be, and that’s not my thing. But it does seem to get people in a defensive, angry way of communicating and I don’t want to deal with drama.

But whatever. I need to learn to be me and not worry if anyone has a problem with it.

My twitter handle is: @DaphneShadows

 

Bedtime Stories on ASMR

On my ASMR YouTube channel, I’ve started doing something new. I’m going to make bedtime stories and whisper them or speak softly to tell them.

Doing them for ASMR presents quite the challenge but also an interesting bucket of possibilities. It’s not exactly the same as writing a novel because the language has to be more flowery and repetitive for ASMR and the story doesn’t have to be as strictly structured or paced. So it’s an odd change to make. But fun, so far.

Here is my first video:

I’m also working on a second bedtime story with a different feel to it, while working on chapter two of the above story.

 

My Novel

I haven’t worked on my novel in a month now. Everything has stopped moving in my life because my health has gone downhill and I’ve been in too much physical pain to focus on anything. I’ve literally lived on my couch, crying and trying to breathe.

I really want to get back to my novel. I’ve plotted the basic timeline of the story out and written the first two chapters, getting myself up to a word count of over 13,000 words. (A normal novel of my genre is 80,000 to 100,000 words.)

And I want to share some tidbits about my story with you. *evil smile*

 

Work

Do you remember when I was terrified I’d never have a job I liked and be able to hold it down with my health?

I now work 5 hours a day, Monday through Friday, 25 hours a week as an office manager for a technology company – and I love it. I get along with all my coworkers and both bosses (what are the odds, right?) and I enjoy my work. I get to organize things all day. It’s perfect!

I started on March 26th, 2019.

 

Life

I’m all jacked up! And it would take quite a while to catch you up. So let’s not spend the rest of this post yammering on. I’ll get to me in the future.

 

How are you doing?

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Stream of Consciousness

Writerly Snapshots

I am so excited to announce that I am officially getting back into writing.

It has been much too long.

I am a storyteller and not writing has been quite painful.

The only thing that has kept me from imploding was writing this blog and poetry.

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When you know what your calling in life is – do it.

What is your calling?